As Long As We're In Love
by BlueSunflower-RS
Summary: AU from Prom Queen.When Jesse finally won Rachel back, can they lead ND to National victory together? And when something unexpected stepped into their lives, how will they deal with it? St. Berry pregnancy fic.
1. Curtains Closed

**As long as we are in love**

**Author's note**

Hello everyone~! So this story, as I said in the summary, sets after Jesse were flunked out of UCLA. In the beginning there will be a part about some stuff of St. Berry's breakup. My first fanfic so please be gentle. R&R are always welcome, LoL.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, the whole story would be totally different.

* * *

**Chapter 1 Curtains Closed**

[It was the most vivid drama I ever created. Like filling a glass with water, drop by drop, I put my heart into it. Then the play ended, the glass broke, and the water spilled. Tell me is there any way to turn the hands of time? ]

-Jesse St. James

It was about midnight.

Jesse stepped into the auditorium of Carmel. Not even one living thing was in there. Silence mingled with the cold air of the night. Lights were out, the equipments were turned off and the piano was covered in the velvet cloth. There was only the creaking sound of the floor caused by his steps echoing in this spacious place. Standing on the stairs, he hid both hands into the pockets, sighed deeply while looking at the wide-open stage, the one that used to be the place for him to glow and to earn fame and trophies. But today, this very second, it can only bring him loathing and loneliness.

_-Hi, I'm Jesse._

_-I know who you are._

_-You know Jesse St. James, the star of Vocal Adrenaline, your competition at Regionals. I'm introducing you to Jesse, the guy who was nuts about you, the guy who would never hurt you._

Like pressing the replay button of his memory, the words he once said to her, right there on the stage, flooded back in his mind overwhelmingly, reverberating around the empty space. He remembered the look in her eyes, at that time, was filled with a complicated emotion.

They hugged, they kissed.

Jesse St. James was not an innocent teenage boy, he was so glorious and attractive that girls came around by themselves trying to get close to him. Sex was also not something for him being unfamiliar with. He was always the one who tore apart relationships, dumped girls, and broke their heart literally. But from the start, he didn't give any promise and true feelings to them, because he didn't have those. Sex was only something about pleasure and physical urge in the past, and up till then, he hadn't had any experience about the intimacy inside, about exchanging souls and hearts with anyone.

But when _their_ lips met, their body pressed against each other, their scents combined, he was astounded by the electric waves that shocked from the end of his nerve to every corner in his body. He could even smell the chemistry, the sparks, desire and needs.

He _wanted_ her, wanted to make her _his, _in a way he hadn't felt before.

He now realized _that's when _he started to lose himself, when he let go of his feelings, when his self control abandoned him, and made him indulge in this game he coaxed _her_ into. His body told the truth.

The reason of being guiltless after then got clear now.

Before that, he was, indeed, playing her.

In a sudden, all the storylines he scripted rushed off from their original tracks, all the words and lines, so romantic and passionate, gained the only thing they supposed, and should, lack.

_Authenticity_

Everything felt so familiar, almost like yesterday. Only one difference, that is, she was not here anymore. And perhaps never will again.

He really _did_ hurt her.

The desperate expression on her face was haunting in his mind. The one when she was standing in the center of the parking lot this afternoon, losing the ability to speak or move, letting all those disgusting, sticky egg yolks streaming down her hair. And she just stood there, staring at_him._

The guy who also held an egg in his hand, standing in front of her, so close, but remained in silence.

_-Break it like you broke my heart_

He was the guy who finally hurt her.

He supposed she'll never know how much he suffered, watching the cruel scene but could do nothing. Moreover, he was forced to crush an egg on her head by his own hands.

Then there they were, those three little words that he got no strength to cut out before actually escaped from his throat. Quiet, but stunning. In a moment, the world calmed down and there were only the two of them, face to face.

Do you know the words spoken without consideration are mostly true?

Cracking the egg at last, he tried to be as gentle as he could. Then he turned around, walked away in haste, hiding himself to avoid her dreadful gaze.

Team loyalty, it was always about this.

And his selfish, proud, he hadn't considered how much grief will be caused by their breakup, to him. He had his life planned out, he didn't find out she was important enough for him to give up trophies and honors in VA.

Keep on telling himself _it was only a show_ was useless.

'Cause he know it wasn't.

He once did think it could be a preparation for his future acting career. However, he lost himself in his own drama unconsciously. He wrote the whole plot since the following day, after Shelby gave him the mission, but still, unavoidably, those memories couldn't be wiped out so easily. Each scene he created, each word he said, each day he spent with her, hypocritically or sincerely, like an illusion that can never be grasped, were flashing back in his mind, pricking holes inside his heart and stomach like thousands of needles.

Vocal Adrenaline took all his humanity and true colors away, but the New Directions, mainly Rachel, helped him find both of them back again. He gained the ability to laugh, and to sing with real feelings. Music was the most important part in his life, but he never had a time in the past years to realize its liveliness and energy could be so great. He saw how the glee kids hold on to each other, encourage each other, and how much faith they gave in their future. A little overreacted you might say, but he really did think they saved him, and they raised him up to a new level of life.

Rachel attracted him in every possible way, her talent, her confidence, her resolve, her effort and her independence. He was stunned by this amazing girl at Sectionals. Her voice was glamorous, and this girl was so beautiful and enchanting. The meeting in the music store wasn't a part of Shelby's task. He _did_ want to meet Rachel, and to have a relationship with her. But he never planned that he would fall off and slip out of control. He had never dated any girl more than two weeks, for Rachel, though he knew she was different, he thought the same way. However, by the time he said those loving words in this auditorium to her, he already fell irrevocably and whole-heartedly in love with her. He might didn't notice at all. He didn't noticed how possessive it was when wrapping his arm around her shoulders, how satisfied he was when embracing her tightly and breathing her scent.

He _thought_ it was just a game.

Then Shelby found out his secret, she gave him the task, to lead Rachel searching for her mother and then bring her here. What could he get from that? Well, recommendation from Shelby, resources and more opportunities for sure. But beneath all of these, he actually wanted to fulfill this dream, for Shelby...Well, for Rachel in fact.

He longed to see her bright smiles and hear her sweet laughter.

He fell into a trap on this dangerous journey, utterly disregarded the huge risk hidden beneath the bright surface. He led her into this so-called relationship, but this was never only about her. The gravity was something hard to defy, even for him. He smirked sarcastically to himself. Every episode with her was too much for _acting exercise_. That was just an excuse for him to get more close to her, to transfer, and to persuade himself to get out in the end.

But honestly, he never wanted to leave.

When he saw that bad reputation video, the anger he couldn't dare to name rose inside his heart. He kept asking himself if he knew what he was doing. He was not her real boyfriend or something. That kind of hurt and disappointment weren't something easy to fake, to pretend. He knew, not then but now, that was when he got completely lost, out of control.

When he stood there to watch her dance in the studio, the emptiness of being away from her was gone so quickly. Those words about inevitability were only because he did think that way. Her fate was to shine, on the Broadway stage where she anticipated for years so badly. And before he realized that was impossible, how he wished to be with her on this long way to future.

She was startled by what he said, and then she ran into his embrace. While he was rubbing her back, the fear of losing her disappeared.

_-I thought you'd never come back._

_-And miss all your drama? Never._

He tightened his arms to pull her closer when his words were done. Leaning his jaw on the top of her head, and listening quietly to her racing heartbeat, it made him feel safe like home. Maybe he shouldn't have come back then he wouldn't hurt her more after that. He made her believe that they could have a happy ending, but in fact, it only turned out to be more painful.

He just couldn't stay away from her.

-Because you are my _girlfriend._

That sentence didn't even go through his mind. And he just used it, with such easiness.

He was a human after all.

Rachel was vulnerable inside, he knew. She was different. She needed spotlight and applause only because her dreams often seemed far away from her. He understood how hard she tried to improve herself, to escape from this town, to do the best she could, and to stay as a top diva. But everyone had time lack of strength, or when strength could no longer hold on. She had been a tough girl for this long time to everyone including herself, but when it came to dreams and future, she became scared and fragile. She couldn't accept or even imagine how it would be to watch her wings broken by reality and life. He should have been the one standing with her and support her. Probably, that was the reason for him being so desperate to assure her.

He never intended to hurt her.

Acting as a heartbreaker, especially to her made him despise himself. Though he wouldn't admit, he'd prefer not to step into her life at all instead of taking Shelby's task and destroy it.

_I might die. Not literally but emotionally._

"I really loved you, Rachel..."He closed his eyes and murmured, but no one was listening. The ending monologue if you say so, but more like a confession.

Rachel Berry was the only person who ever beat him at his own game, without any effort. She wasn't supposed to exist in his world from the start. They lived on paralleled life track and should never have an intersection point. But they did at last.

Could he also call this as inevitability?

It was only a fake relationship with her, and it messed up his life, even though it was him who began it.

She made his world _complicated_. She made this play slipped out of his hands.

Now the ending was settled, the curtains were closed. It announced out loud that everything was over, and left him alone with his struggles and regret.

It turned out, that Jesse St. James was not a professional actor this time.

* * *

[I'm not sure if I really know who you are, if I ever saw you through your masks, so tell me what's hidden underneath.]

-Rachel Berry

"_I've been alone with you inside my mind."_

The time on the clock switched to 11:59, the green light of the numbers was glowing silently and lonely in the dark, like brilliant-cut emeralds shining, alluring but dangerous.

The moon outside the windows was hanging in the velvet blue night sky, passing through a layer of clouds and silhouetting vaguely on it. The moonlight filled in the open air, cascaded down through the spaces among leaves and branches of the lemon trees in the garden, and left shadows on the balcony. The sparkling silver stream flowed into the room, covered the wooden floor and lit up every side of the wall. Yet, the light was cold enough to freeze anything. It might be shiny and bright, and it light up everywhere, except her heart.

Because Rachel Berry needed sunshine, and now her sun was gone. She was alone in a place with dark sky, and violent cold wind that penetrated her fragile skin, attacked ever nerve of her body.

She had been in her room by herself for quite a while, missed the dinner and refused to talk. Sitting on the bed without lights on, she curled up her legs, drew closer, buried her face between her knees and stayed still in that position. Her ipod was in Shuffle mode, the volume was turned up to the highest intentionally. Music never stopped tonight, each song was loud enough to keep her away from disturbing thoughts and the outside world. Different kinds of melody wrapped around her tightly, created a private enclosure to warm her up and melt the ice inside her heart. It seemed like music was the only way for her to feel a little safer, and a little better.

But then, one song ended, another began. It was definitely a song she knew, familiar in fact, but suddenly unable to name at once. A soft, mild piano intro came out, it sounded soothing but so far and empty. She was rarely dull toward music, but she actually lost her acute sense in it today for no reason. So she began to try the hardest to figure out what song that was, and didn't recognize it until the first sentence was sung by a male voice she knew _very _well, which woke her up from the dream of déjà vu.

_Hello._

Abruptly straightened up and pressed the pause button as fast as she could, but it was still too late to stop the destruction it caused, so powerful, strong enough to chill the warmth and ruin the safeness she worked so hard to build tonight. The silent filled the room in an awkward way. Starting to shiver unconsciously, she went back to the earlier position, and curled up even tighter. Her face remained emotionless, but she was making a great effort secretly to ignore the painful twist in her chest, meanwhile commanding fiercely in her mind to forbid herself from surrendering to the accumulating weakness.

Although she was all alone in the room, she refused to lose emotions, no screaming, no sorrow and no tears. As if she can cheer herself up.

But she couldn't help thinking about the unexpected meeting in the music store. When she picked up the piano sheet book pleasantly, he showed up and pulled the book out of her hand. The only thought she had at that moment was surprise. _Jesse St. James_, the leader of Vocal Adrenaline, the rising star, was literally talking to her, and asking her to sing with him. While sitting beside him on the piano stool, she began to observe the perfect outline of his face, the curly strands of his hair, and the corner of his lips. His fingers were so nimble on the black-and-white keyboard. Fluid rhythm flowed among his hands. A sense of admiration like a naïve young girl appeared in her heart. At this point she shouldn't say this, but honestly, she just couldn't deny the butterflies in her stomach when she met his gaze, when their voice mingled into one. She thought she finally met someone who can match her completely, who can respect her, understand her, and expect the same future as what she did.

It was true, but only for a while.

She remembered clearly the way he walked into the choir room and looked at her with seriousness and tenderness in his eyes, saying she was the only reason for him to sacrifice everything. He was then pissed off by her bad reputation video. But he came back later, in that ballet studio, stepping towards her, telling her...

_That's not a dream. A dream is something fills up the emptiness inside, the one thing if you know it came true, all the hurt would go away. You singing "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" in front of a sold-out crowd isn't a fantasy._

_It's an inevitability._

How much she appreciated him, how assuring those words were, at the time when the future seemed so faraway and surreal, at the time when she was so scared and uncertain. The second when she was in his arms, felt like eternity, and her world was all complete again. He was the one and only, her knight in shiny armor, the guy who would be with her for this lifetime.

They sang so many beautiful songs together, and he said so many affectionate words to her. Those smiles, laughter, and promises about never hurting her. His eyes were always following her moves, his left hand was always holding her right one, and his embrace was always warm to welcome her.

How could those be faked? Who need so much effort to seduce a girl just for fun? She wasn't silly in relationships, but she was never smart enough to be rational and doubtful in this case.

She didn't understand. Why he came back, helped her find her mom, then transferred back to Carmel without any explanation and got out of her sight. At first she convinced herself it was his parents' request or something. So when she ran so excitedly towards him to the parking lot, she didn't suspect much.

Then eggs were thrown on her head by those Carmel Glee kids in blue uniforms. She was stupefied suddenly, like a little girl who lost her favorite doll, fragile, bewildered and helpless, the joy when she first saw his figure turned to frustration. She stared at him, trying to look for his reaction. However, he stood there in silence. His face was obviously depressing, complex emotions buried deep inside his eyes. She'd swear she saw a gleam of his sorrow and struggle in there. But suddenly she didn't care anymore, the eggs or his true thoughts, reasons or anything. All she wanted to ask was,

_Have you ever loved me? _

Unexpectedly, when he stepped closer, he answered her question before she asked.

_I loved you._

That sentence was powerful enough to take her breath away. In fact, everything became more inexplicable and confusing.

She could understand if they forced him to do so, if New Directions asked _her_ to, she might do it too, otherwise she would be kicked out for sure. Fighting with herself secretly, she tried to ignore the urge of revealing the truth. What was his intention, why did he come around then left without any plausible explanation. To spy them, play and humiliate her? Was there any other motive? She instinctively believed there was, things weren't that simple as it seemed. But she was humiliated anyway, by Vocal Adrenaline. She couldn't lay down her dignity like nothing ever happened and talk to him peacefully to find the answer of everything. What if he was really playing her, what if he changed his mind, and what if he was in love with someone else? Down on her knees to ask him to come back? How cheap it would be for _Rachel Berry._

She was conceited and stubborn after all.

She had never known who he is, which face he gave her was a show face, which one was true. She had never saw him through his camouflages, and maybe never will.

How pathetic that was.

_It's over, Rachel Berry. He is out of your life from now._

_If it was a show from the beginning, it's all done._

They said hello when they first met, but hadn't got a chance to say farewell in the end.

She stood up to close the windows, then went back and lay down on the mattress, hid herself completely under the sheet. Closing her eyes, she chose to follow the will of her body and leave those disturbing thoughts far behind. Both emotional and physical exhaustion took over, dragging her down into the infinite eddy of darkness and _dreams_. Sweet dreams, she hoped.

Those ended already, and those hadn't achieved.

Perhaps in the future they will. But you can't know for sure before then, can you?

**TBC**

* * *

Oh God...Rachel is exhausted and so am I! I think I'm going to be torn apart if I keep thinking about their mind. The point is their emotions were so complicated!

Anyway, maybe I should just blame myself for loving them too much...I really got a deep feeling toward them. I do think they are an adorable and cute couple, but more importantly some part of their relationship and some conversation they had actually reached down inside the deepest part of my heart, you know. And it might be more obvious in later chapters. The expectation and faith they have in their dreams, or according to Jesse, inevitability.

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. It's kind of long and that's only because I want to reveal their thoughts and characters. Rachel is a stubborn girl, though she has been humiliated, she won't let herself show her weakness. Moreover she wouldn't forgive Jesse for hurting her, even if she didn't get the truth at all. That kind of character is important in her following action and decision. You'll see.

I know there might be a lot of grammar problems because I'm really bad at it, also my first fanfic work so the expressions or words might have gone wrong sometimes. If you find any problem and mistake please don't hesitate to tell me. That would be very helpful. Please R&R~! I can't wait to know what you think.

XOXO,

Andrea


	2. Paralyze

**Author's note**

Thank you guys so much for the alert and favorite. I was stunned by the automatic emails yesterday about you guys setting the alert and adding me to the favorite. Although I haven't received any comment, this was still much better than I thought, and it was very inspiring.

So here I am writing CH2. Now in this chapter Jesse isn't back yet, I mean, yet. But you'll see the importance about me writing the stuff after Regionals, about what happened (of course I mean in my story) before Jesse went to UCLA. Include St. Fabrey friendship.

**B**tw, I forgot to say last time that you may like to use Total Eclipse of The Heart, of course glee version, as the BGM of chapter 1 and 2. It can match some spirits of these two chapters.

Enjoy :).

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Glee or any of the character. Oh how I wish I do. And based on what Jesse said about_ Ice Ice Baby,_ I'm saying Ryan Murphy should be arrested for the crime of sucking and breaking our St. Berry apart.

* * *

**Chapter 2 Paralyze**

[Like being locked in a dark cabin, and don't know how to escape. I'm afraid of making the greatest mistake of my life, afraid of losing you for this lifetime.]

-Jesse St. James

Yesterday was Regionals.

Vocal Adrenaline won, as everyone's expectation.

The trophy of their championship at Regionals had been placed in the glass showcase in Carmel. Shiny and alluring, sat in the reserved place on the back row of all the trophies they got. On the front row, three national champion cups stood proudly. They were all tarnished and cleaned, not a grain of dust can stay there for long. The showcase was also bright as mirror. Jesse stood there, staring at his reflection.

All he saw was a heartless automaton. Soulless, emotionless and cold as ice.

"_Both you and I know he doesn't have much heart."_

As soon as he got off the stage yesterday, he went to look for Rachel, and incidentally heard her conversation with Shelby. Those words she said about him cut deeply into his heart like a sharp dagger. Blood dripping down invisibly, the pain, almost unbearable.

She was wrong in fact. _The_ Jesse in Vocal Adrenaline didn't have heart _at all_. But the one with Rachel Berry did, and had a very sensitive, fragile one.

But he had to admit what he did to her was totally no better than a bastard.

The following dialogue sent him to the edge of outrage more than this sentence. Rachel asked Shelby to coach the New Directions, or let's say pleaded? Guess what? Ms. Shelby Corcoran, declined her _daughter's_ one and only request after the past sixteen years without her. And moreover, told her she wanted a _family_. That was pretty ironic wasn't it? Telling your _daughter_ you want a _family_?

It was really a miracle for him to restrain the urge of breaking into the room and shout at his coach, then grab Rachel's arm and take her out right away.

He wanted to challenge Shelby face to face about why did she ever ask him to get close to her daughter in the first place and in the end said she doesn't want her anymore, by the way totally ruined his relationship with Rachel. If she can give Rachel a perfectly happy slow motion of run-into-each-other's-arms, he might not regret taking the task. At least he brought something worthy into Rachel's life in the end, finally fulfilled one of her dreams. But it turned out, that was totally a waste of time, since all it brought was miserable. Despite considering what position he was standing, he was about to yell out loud about how unfair it was for Rachel. He knew he was a bastard, yes, for hurting her, for struggling in the stupid team loyalty and promises and what-so-called fame. Since it could not be mended so soon after the destruction it caused, let's put it aside for a moment. But Shelby turned Rachel's life upside down, shut the lights and pushed it into hell. Don't forget, that's her daughter, the baby girl she had been dreaming of since the day she left.

Regionals was totally a catastrophe.

He remembered how the New Directions nailed their performance, they were so energetic and optimistic, no show faces, but that was really something healing, which could cure cancer. Rachel, the girl who was so gorgeous and fascinating, standing up there, sang like a goddess, and conquered everyone's ears.

_If she is not the one going to rock Broadway, who else?_

He was aware of a sense of proud and satisfactory that rising overwhelmingly, and he didn't resent it at all, disregarded the fact that she was not his anymore.

But, back to what we were saying, having Finn Hudson with her dancing and singing a duet was not something so pleasing. Oh, he surely wouldn't forget how did that insufferable jerk took advantage of her, pressing her against him so close and danced like they were a power couple. His eyes narrowed and teeth clenching indignantly. It should have been him singing "Faithfully" to her, him embracing her and declaring his love. At that time, his seat was suddenly wrapped by thorns and needles which made him couldn't sit comfortably anymore. Jealousy, well, now he finally could to give this emotion an official name. A beast of anger was growling furiously in his heart, twisting and beating his body anxiously.

His calm and self-restrain quickly started to take over. The person sitting down here was Jesse St. James, not Jesse, not the one singing with Rachel, so happy and carefree. Jesse St. James was a soulless automaton. He tried to regain his sensible mind and convince himself it was all over now, for his fame and future, whatever it cost, it worth. Perhaps Rachel has no difference from all his ex-s at all, it was just him, too indulged in this role and forgot to separate; it was just him, too proud and conceited, being hurt by the two people on the stage; it was just him, too possessive and dramatic.

But, persuade himself became uneasy.

"_So you think you can love me and leave me to die."_

"_Can't do this to me, baby."_

She was back in there, while VA was singing Bohemian Rhapsody. She looked concerned and hurt, crossing her arms and standing stiffly. His eyes glued to her involuntarily, and their gaze met, like all secrets suddenly exposed in the daylight, bare and unreserved.

He turned away.

"_Nothing really matters."_

He recommended this song to Shelby at first, but coincidently and sarcastically, more like a pathetic camouflage for him in this situation. He was concealing his true will, to everyone, to her, to himself.

Nevertheless, everything became clear all at once, when she turned around, and walked away. Like a piece of him was withdrawn by her, something once flashed in his life, glowing, and now gone again. He had to surrender, stop lying to himself and stop concealing this scary but unavoidable truth.

He tasted the feeling of jealous, because of her. For the first time he felt fame was nothing but rubbish, because of her.

He was in love with her from the day in the auditorium, before everything got complicated. All the reasons of Shelby's mission and acting exercise were all fricking bullshit he gave himself to get close to her. However, he still didn't want to admit then, to give away. He chose to hide, to doubt and to deny the fact.

He was quite certain that the victory at Regionals would return everything back to shape.

But he was completely wrong. Everything led emotions to the surface, led him to a larger mess.

He just couldn't deny the unusual way he felt for her, or the fact that he still want her.

Yes, _he loved her_.

Before Coach Sylvester announced the champion, his sight went across Shelby beside him and reached Rachel, surprisingly, she was staring at him, too. Her face was telling him she had the confidence to beat them. To give a fair comment, if he was the judge, he would certainly give the champion to New Directions. And he preferred to sacrifice this prize to see her smile, personally. He sighed slightly when the result were clear, then acted out the face of joy he had well-prepared. The corner of his eyes didn't miss her disappointment and frustration. The previous light and excitement on her face vanished.

It was so much impact at once, her mother, the competition and her boyfriend.

Things can always get clearer when we are reviewing the past, can't they? All the confusions and tangling emotions dissolved into one.  
He made up his mind.

The struggle face reflected on the showcase turned into a slight smirk. Then it disappeared.

* * *

"Hey, looks like you are getting better. Where's your baby girl?" Jesse pushed the ward door open, the blonde girl was half-lying on the bed, back leaning on the headboard, reading a book. Noticing the familiar figure stepped into the room, she raised her head and smiled vaguely at him, slightly nodding, a glint of doubt and wonder flashed in her dark green eyes. He was carrying a white plastic bag which contained some fruit. Laying it on the desk, he stood beside her bed.

She still looked weak and pale, especially in that patient gown. Her delicate face lost its pink color, light-golden hair cascaded down on her back, a few loosen strands were tucked behind her ears. But she still looked better, more active and relaxing.

"She…um, we already gave her away, Ms. Corcoran adopted her. You don't know? She's your coach isn't she? " Quinn said in a low voice, almost turned to whispers, grief hidden underneath. She had tried the hardest not to show, but it was perceivable after all.

Jesse's body stiffened when he heard that name, he gaped at her, suddenly lost the track of thought.

"Are you saying Shelby adopted your daughter?" he asked her incredulously then hissed "How could she possibly do this to Rachel!"

Quinn raised an eyebrow and stared at him with a smirk on the corner of her lips, as if asking him silently _"What about you?"_ Pleasingly found out he had bit his tongue and sighed deeply, she lowered her head to carry on reading, gave him the message that she didn't want to elaborate on the topic about Beth. An awkward silence flushed in, until Quinn suddenly realized something important. Frowning, she asked without moving her sight.

"So, what made this a social visit? I think you are not simply passing by and wanna know who adopted Beth. And I can't remember any detail about you and I became friends before? Not even close. I'm quite surprised you haven't deleted my number. Since, may I remind you, you became the traitor to both Rachel and the New Directions?" She murmured her words without any emotional fluctuation, totally Quinn-Fabrey style.

"Okay Quinn, I know I screwed it up. I know what I did to all of you was totally confusing and irritating, but I'm here today because I got something crucial, and I think you are the right one to talk to."

"Whoa. What a privilege." Quinn finally closed the book she was reading, or probably we can say "staring", since she didn't remember anything at all. She raised her head again and teased with an obvious contempt. After a while of pondering what he said, her eyes narrowed, and spoke with an I-know-what's-going-on tone.

"I believe that has something to do with our diva, Ms. Berry? Well, let's hear the complete story first, shall we?"

Jesse sighed, the complex emotion which had been haunting him since the day he left Rachel crept back into his crystal blue eyes, started to lead himself down into the abyss of memories and thoughts, again.

…

"So, in conclusion, you're telling me after you dated her a few times, all the stuff transferred to a plan, which was made by Rachel's mother? And you were using this task to get more close to her, including coming to McKinley and New Directions. But it turned out, when the mission was done, and you did something really horrible let's say, you figured out that you're in love with her from the start. Before you cracked the eggs on her, you told her you loved her?" Quinn's reaction was like learning something unbelievable, "Then why did you crack the eggs on her? Why did you ever went back to Vocal Adrenaline, and moreover why did you attended Regionals with them? Don't you know that felt more humiliating for us?"

"It's not as easy as you think, Quinn." Jesse shook his head frustratingly, and he answered, "I didn't realize how important she was to me when I went back to Vocal Adrenaline as what I promised to Shelby. When I told Shelby I don't want to hurt Rachel and I like your glee club better, she laughed and determined that I was just too indulged in this role. I was half-convinced, though, I thought perhaps I succeeded, I thought the exercise showed its usage. But it turned out, I couldn't recognize which part was by heart and which part was faked, until it was all over, I found out they were all true. I was about to make some excuses to Rachel about the transfer thing, and I wanted to continue this relationship with her, like what we did before this goddamn task. Who knows that fricking team loyalty stepped in, and as you know, I did it. Those words just jumped out without me knowing. Then I started fooling myself that victories and fame can paralyze this ambiguous feeling, and it turned out? Nothing worked."

"Oh right, I think I finally got this all straight. Conclusion, you are really an idiot." She mocked at him and shook her head, then added "So what are you here for, exactly? I never thought Jesse St. James would confess his secret so completely by the way. "

"Jesse paused a while before finally answer the question, firmly.

"Advice. To get her back."

"I should've known." Quinn smiled, "But, I'd like you to hear me out first before deciding whether or not to do that right now."

Jesse frowned questioningly, but still replied, "I'm listening."

"First of all, whether we like it or not, she's with Finn right now. As I know, this is just an aftershock that caused by your actions. Rachel was too desperate to find someone who can help her get over you. But we both know they are not gonna work out. Let me say this, what Finn did to her, were much worse than you did, she just didn't realize, and perhaps, those didn't hurt that much. So now we know that Rachel loved you, and still loves you. But she didn't figure out what exactly her feeling toward Finn was. The same to Finn, Rachel once did have a crush on him, that made him feel very proud and complacent, whenever he felt like cheating on me or someone else, Rachel was always the one waiting for him. But when they get together, he didn't want her anymore. Therefore, give them some time and find out the truth. We both know they are not the same kind of people. If you step in now, I know Rachel will be furious, if I am her, I will feel like you just waltz back into my life like nothing ever happened. That may lead to a result we both don't want to see. " Quinn analyzed calmly, and it did make sense.

"Carry on."

"Secondly, the Rachel I know is very stubborn. Even if she's still crazy about you, she won't lay down her dignity and accept you easily, plus Finn's existence. Even if you succeed this summer, what will happen after you go to UCLA? I'm sure you won't give that up. Rachel is mental unstable, she will be concerning, suspicious and insufferable. She will consider this as you are hurting her for the second time, and she'll doubt if it's right to let you in. Since you came back too fast and gave her no time to get her own feelings straight, she'll even doubt her affection toward you. I swear, it's gonna be a disaster."

"So we are totally over? Is that what are you saying?"

"No. I'm saying you should give both of you some time to make everything clear, to take a break per se. You might have asserted she's what you want by now, but how do you know it's not manipulated by jealousy and what-so-called male pride? Rachel needs a while to find out the misfits between herself and Finn, also to know she can't get over you, if that's the case. If you really meant to be together, it's the best to let time certify. Don't worry about missing her forever, if both of you find out time can heal everything, it won't matter anymore. But if you don't, I believe true love is never too late." She explained with an elegant smile, "Well, that's only my personal opinion. So, my suggestion is, go to UCLA, and only come back when you make everything clear and certain. Let me remind you it must be difficult to win her back, but you already charmed her once, why not the second time? Rachel is stubborn. Nevertheless, she'll be honest to her heart at last. You don't have to follow this if you don't trust me. It depends on your judgment after all."

"Guess that's what I have to do. Thanks, Quinn, you are definitely amazing." Jesse sighed before he smiled and stood up, walking toward the door. Then he recalled something and slowed down, turned around and asked the blonde girl who had moved on to her book again.

"Hey, Quinn, I'm just wondering, why are you doing this?"

"Then why did you come over?" flipping a page, she smirked, "I'm not doing this for you Mr. St. James." Her green eyes darkened. Biting her lips gently, she continued "I'm doing this because I feel I owe her. I have never acknowledged that I think she is fantastic. But everyone chose me over her, Finn did, Puck did, even her mother wanted Beth instead of her. Just consider this as me relieving myself."

He nodded, and went out, closed the door behind him.

**TBC**

* * *

Alright, I'm writing this faster than I thought~! :)

This chapter is to explain something. I always think the emotions that Jesse showed at Regionals were the evidence of him realizing that he still can't get over Rachel. But it took him a year to decide going back? That's flawed and weird. So I made this plausible explanation. The title "paralyze" refers to Jesse's emotion struggle. He's fighting himself inside, about what exactly Rachel is to him, and whether the way he feels for her is true or not. He tried to wipe it out by fame and trophies, but he failed in the end, and started to face his heart honestly. The part in the hospital, you guys might think Jesse looks a little OOC. In fact my intention is to reveal the other side of him, a side that he looks like a teenage boy, not a star, and don't know what to do about Rachel. In some way, I reckon that Rachel has this effect on him.

It may seemed that I partial Jesse since I wrote so much about his mind and actions. But that's because Jesse is a very complicated character, Rachel is, too, but Rachel is easier for people to see and understand. Later there will also be a part that Rachel pacing back and forth about the relationship with Jesse.

Quinn, I actually like her, especially after her pregnancy. She changed a lot, both mind and character. She has a soft heart hidden inside, and that led to her advising Jesse.

So, as always, please R&R, I'm really desperate to know what you guys think!

XOXO,

Andrea


	3. Awake

**Author's note**

Sorry to keep you waiting so long. These days had been crazy. I had assignment readings (really a lot of work!), classes, choir rehearsals, exams and stuff. After I thought it's all done, I got ill. :(

However, I was really thrilled to know that I've got reviews! To my first reviewer _Soyli Oliveira__, _what you said about "reveals the mind of Jesse, trying to cover the failures that left Ryan Murphy" was exactly what I thought about the first 2 chapters! It seemed that the whole story is going in a very slow pace, but actually the beginning of the _story_ itself is in this chapter, it will become more intense later. I really appreciate your comment. It inspired me to write faster. ;)

In this chapter, the beginning part might be a little confusing at first, but I think my intention will be obvious enough? And I just thought that Jesse might need a buddy, I mean not like Quinn, Quinn is not technically his friend after all, so I add an OC to give Jesse some advice.

So, shall we welcome the official return of Mr. Jesse St. James? LOL

Enjoy. ;)

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Glee or any of the character. Of course I don't own Kelly Clarkson's _My Life Would Suck Without You_, either.

**Chapter 3 Awake**

[We could've had it all] -R

[We still can have it all back again.] -J

The scents of liquor and cigarette tangled in the air, thick and suffocating. Lights were low and dusky, colored the haze into dark yellow, drifting and twining around the room, blurred the figures, and left only the silhouette. Everything around there turned the whole atmosphere into a dazing, delusional mist. The band on the stage were playing some kind of rock'n roll song, an unknown female singer were up there singing passionately, about to yell. The music and her voice echoing in the large room, and only made the entire environment into a chaos even it wasn't crowded yet. Only a few women in tight leather dress, with obviously dyed blond hair were sitting in front of the counter. Their sparkling earrings, necklaces, and bracelets shone through the dimness. Bright-colored red high heels captured others' sight. They were chatting in a lazy mood, sometimes giggle delightfully. Glasses clinking, ice cubes hitting each other and created a sharp and bright sound.

Compare with small tables around, the counter was quite full. Tables were mostly empty, except the one in the inconspicuous corner.

Two glasses of brandy were placed on the table, seemed like they had been on there for quite a while. One was already empty, and the ice had melted into water. Another one had half of the drink left, but the ice had already thawed out too, water dripping along the outer surface of the glass.

A young man was leaning on the back of the leather couch, while a young brunette in a tight silk suspender dress sitting on his laps. She had wrapped her slender bare legs around his waist, arms clenching around his neck, and her entire body was clinging onto his. Crushing her lips on his, her kiss was desperate and full of lust. Her dark hair cascaded down on her back and bare shoulders, her hands tangled with his curly strands, tugging and caressing skillfully. Tongue slid into his mouth, luring his to surrender to her seduction and join the dangerous game. The woman began to squirm to show her unsatisfactory and to demand for more. Intentionally grinding her body against his, a heat of desire rose around them.

The women had been aggressive since the beginning of the making out. Her motive was obvious enough. With his eyes closed, though he didn't reject, he wasn't initiative either, which annoyed her. Until, he opened his eyes to stop her from carry on, he recognized the person in front of him like shocking by electricity.

Immediately blinking his eyes, the vision didn't fade away. The girl he had been missing, dreaming and fantasizing for thousands of times was inches close, back in his arms, dressing smoking hot and trying to entertain him.

That was too good to be true. But no matter how hard he tried to define whether it's real or not, the vision was still vivid and all around, sending a shiver down his spine and mesmerized his sense.

Perhaps because of the former drink, he started to drown in this dream subconsciously, without considering its authenticity.

Cupping her cheek with one hand, he began to kiss her back fiercely, another hand rubbing her skin on the neck, turned her aggression into an equal force. Her whimper of joy was as beautiful as what he remembered. He was unable to distinguish the difference between imagination and reality, for he could truly breathe her fragrance, and could actually feel her warmth. Her bold actions were irresistibly turning-on. His mind was slowly reacting to the situation since the boundary of truth and illusion already vanished.

Until

Until a groan of urge fell from his lips,

"_God, Rach."_

The figure in his arms stiffened, then broke the kiss and pulled away immediately.

"Who's Rachel?" She asked impatiently, doubts emerging in her voice.

A flicker of confuse flashed in the woman's eyes, then replaced by anger and humiliation.

Her question woke him up from the daydream like fire alarm chiming, brought him back to the ground. He then recognized who he was with, what he had done, and that forbidden name he had spoke.

Staring coldly at the woman, his classmate, who had been dating him for only about two days, shouting hysterically at him, grabbing her handbag, standing up and storming out the bar, he said nothing. He didn't answer any of her outrageous questions because he already got lost in his fuzzy thoughts.

_Rachel Berry._

Damn, it had been almost a year, and he still didn't get over her.

UCLA wasn't bad for him in fact, and the full ride itself was tempting enough. He had always been an A student. He got cast in the school production of_ Les Miz_, and he did a wonderful job on his courses. Everything went well enough to keep him on his neat plan of his future career. Well, on that term, we might say it's a pretty good year. But, a part of his life had been missing, although he tried everything he could, dating a lot of girls, all within two weeks, like what he did back in high school, he still couldn't fill up the emptiness of that absent person he wanted the most.

He also made his schedule very tight, the busy work on courses and theater might had brush those loneliness out of his soul, still, when he was lying awake at night, her figure, her face, her smile just wouldn't leave his mind; her laughter, her singing voice, softly and lightly haunting his ear.

A thousand times, there had been a thousand times him warning himself to get distraction, to forget, and to care less.

While he was immersing in his mind chaos, someone snapped his fingers in front of him, then, a huge smuggling face appeared.

"St. James, you really should see this face yourself, like a love-struck schoolboy! What the hell are you thinking and ignored my existence, huh? " The young man just arrived turned around and sat beside Jesse, teasingly swatting his head.

"Shut up, Anderson." Jesse shot his head back in despair, and leaned on the couch again. "I'm in all full mess."

Frank Anderson, as in the young man sitting beside Jesse, was Jesse's roommate, and his first buddy in UCLA. Brown eyes, neat dark hair and a tall, healthy figure not like a football player nor too skinny, he got everything to compose a quite handsome guy. Frank was the first person who discovered that Jesse wasn't exactly an arrogant bastard as everybody else considered he was. That might be another lucky thing happened to Jesse at UCLA which made it not so unbearable.

"Where's the girl you mentioned earlier anyway, you said she insisted to join us? You are not telling me you dumped _her_ again?" Frank was swirling his glass absently, then turned his head to face him and asked incredulously.

He didn't answer, but gave him a what-else-can-it-be look, and sighed.

"I'll take that as a no," Frank smirked, "And I guess she's why you are so upset?"

"I called her the wrong name, without myself noticing." He didn't respond the question again, but this seemed to explain everything.

"Oh damn, dude, you're not going to say that was during a very passionate making out session, and you called her _Rachel_, are you?" The smirk transferred into Frank's voice, and grew wider.

Rolling his eyes, he nodded, resting a forearm against his forehead and sighed with sorrow.

He mentioned Rachel to Frank once, about her look, her voice and their relationship, but not their story, and he told him the reason he dated those girls who were willing to was only because he wanted to know whether he could weaken, or forget her entirely. But he just couldn't, he found out surprisingly that every girl he laid eyes on turned out to have some similarity with her: Dark hair, dark eyes, full lips, or admiration in Barbra Streisand, whatsoever. He noticed that she took away apart of him, and unable to compensate by others.

He just, didn't know how to win her back.

"Geez, you are a drama king indeed. So what? What is that full mess about? Why don't you just simply admit to yourself that you can't get over her then fly back to Lima and tell her _I want to mend our relationship_? That's not a big deal, I know you have high self-esteem, pride, dignity or some other bullshit but you're not an idiot who can't define which one is more important. Why the hell it is so hard for you just to get your ass in a plane and go back to Ohio! What exactly happened between you and Rachel, huh?" Frank frowned questioningly at him.

"It's kinda a long story."

"I'm a good listener." Frank shrugged.

Jesse took a deep breath than exhaled like surrendering to him.

Unexpectedly, the singer up on the stage changed into another song. The atmosphere in the bar started to warm up and became more crowded and noisy.

_Guess this means you're sorry, you're standing at my door._

_Guess this means you take back, all you said before._

"It all started with Sectionals. Her team, New Directions, was the least strong competition we thought we have, but me and my coach was still there to survey our competition at Regionals and their quality. There I met Rachel the first time."

_Like how much you wanted, anyone but me._

_Said you'd never come back, but here you are again._

"She was the female lead, and I still remember her in a black dress, walking down that aisle, singing Barbra's classic "_Don't Rain On My Parade". _Her voice was so gorgeous, so strong and powerful. I never thought that appealing, penetrative voice could come from such a petite-looking girl." The expression on Jesse's face was addicted and enchanted, fully drowned in the memory.

'_Cause we belong together now, yeah_

_Forever united here somehow, yeah_

"I guess you were obsessed with her at that time, then?"

Jesse's lips curved up, and he continued, from the meeting in the music store, the clandestine date in the auditorium, to the transfer, the conversation in ballet studio, the "investigation" of her mother, and finally the part of egging. He explained thoroughly about his change of thoughts, even himself was amazed by this whole thing. Scheme, nefarious intentions, and true feelings, now came all crystal clear from perplexity.

He used her, he deceived her, he chose his career over her, and when she was gone, he realized he had fell in love with her.

_Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye._

"Okay, I get it. St. James, all you did is making a mistake. You were forced to choose between love and fame. You were stupid at that moment and you chose it wrong. You hurt her, but more importantly, you hurt yourself. The only way to solve that, no matter she'll accept you again or not, is head back to Lima and get this straight. Lay down all your worries and use whatever roses, confessions, musical tickets or seduction and protracted war method. Dude, you really need to man up."

_Anyway I found out I'm nothing without you._

"What about here?" Jesse questioned calmly.

"I think, you already got the solution, and you already made up your mind, all you need is a push, like what I said just now. I know you are an A student, but I sensed that her status in your heart is more vital than any other stuff. "Frank looked into his eyes and changed the tone into seriousness, "Admit it, St. James, the only thing that UCLA being tempting to you is the full ride. You don't have any specific reason to like here more than you like Julliard and Tisch, based on the side of you I saw. Tisch and Julliard, I dare to say, if you apply, they will desperately embrace you. And even if you give up college, just walk into a Broadway theater and do some audition, you'll get cast in the next second."

"God, Anderson, you are flattering me." Jesse burst into laughter, but then back to sober and continued "But, I guess you're right, what I can possibly want the most by now is to share a Broadway stage with _her,_ listen to her singing _Don't Cry For Me Argentina, _and do the duet of _"As Long As You're Mine" _with her. I have been absolutely a coward in facing this. I can't mess it up this time."

"Good luck, mate. Care to get me a ticket when you two get on stage?" Frank slapped on Jesse's shoulder with a chuckle, and finished his drink.

"No problem."

_You've got a piece of me, and honestly,_

_My life would suck without you._

* * *

It's 9 o'clock in the morning.

Will Schuester was sitting in his office, checking out the confirming paperwork of Nationals. The competition was approaching day by day, and everything was unprepared. He had to begin booking hotel and tickets and stuff while taking care of the glee rehearsals. What's more, Figgins gave them the task of prom. Although they need it to get the fund, it was still more than enough to mess up his mind.

Running a hand through his curls, he leaned his forehead on the desk because of the overwhelming tiredness, when e heard a knock at his door.

Will lifted up his head impatiently, and he saw a familiar figure in dark-colored jacket vaguely at first. Blinking his eyes to make his sight clear, but then get frozen when he recognized the face of his former student.

"Jesse?"

* * *

Stepping out the glee coach's office, Jesse felt his heart clenching with both excitement and uneasiness. His first move was done. Schuester seemed to be very desperate to find a partner and an assistant. To make sure winning his trust, Jesse simply explained the encounter of last year. And, he was, of course, hired, as the consultant of the New Directions.

Then, it's time to meet Rachel Berry, again.

He meant to wait until this class session get over. Ambling aimlessly in the campus, he walked toward the auditorium, and heard the voice he missed for such a long time unexpectedly.

"Tell me if I was brilliant or, simply outstanding."

He was standing outside, staring blankly for a moment after her word. But later a proud grin grew wider on his face.

_That's his girl._

And she started the song.

_-There's a fire, starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark._

His mind turned slow in a second, but then realized how much symbolism this song contained. How ironic it was, _Rolling in the deep_, for their reunion. Perfectly fitting in this situation, but also painful enough.

Making the quick decision this time, not giving her any time to react, he followed the cue.

He didn't miss any expression. The gape in her eyes, the astonishment on her face, the disbelief like she just had some illusion or fantasy.

_-We could have had it all._

_-Rolling in the deep._

As their voice harmonized on the spacious stage, as each other was the only image in their eyes, a feeling of déjà vu rose in his chest. It seemed that her mixture of emotion had been fully expressed by the lyrics, while reaching the end, Rachel's face calmed down a little, left only the hesitation and doubt in her eyes.

The final note died out, and both of them inhaled air heavily, more like a sigh, though. Holding the gaze on each other, they stood still, as if they had been apart for a lifetime.

Jesse broke the silence at last, after pounding the appropriate greeting words,

"It's so good to see you again, Rachel."

"Jesse."

Hearing her simply calling out his name again was way better then he thought, whatever she was thinking in that moment.

Stepping closer to her, Jesse reached out an arm, seemed trying to catch her hand. Like hitting by electric waves, Rachel crossed her arms and stepped back instantly, as a horrified bird which ready to flee at any second.

"Jesse, please don't." She lowered her head, tucking her hair behind her ears and avoided his gaze, as if she was about to get burnt.

Turning around she closed the piano and moved the bench under it. She stood in front of the piano, hands holding on to the edge of the keyboard, without looking at him again, she asked coldly.

"Why are you back here again? I supposed you're continuing your pursuit of your so-called fame and probably already made your way to Hollywood for your _actor _career."

She tried to be calm and polite, but when the words slipped out, she couldn't help showing the bitterness and sarcasm by emphasizing 'actor'.

_Wait a minute, why could she sense that he was smiling? _

How could that be even possible?

But without a second thought, she questioned with confusion.

"What's so amusing?"

The typical St. James smirk on his face when he grasped her emotion in the earlier question turned to surprise. Then the corner of his lips curved up, broader, again.

"Why, Miss Berry, you knew I was smiling without even a glance?" Slowly approaching her, he stood behind Rachel, and sneaked his arms around her waist, tenderly, gently, exquisitely. His confidence was accumulating when noticing her slight shiver caused by the sudden contact.

"I guess we're still connected in some way, don't you think?" He whispered closely beside her ear, seductively.

"I…uh…" She turned speechless when he tugged her closer to his embrace. His heat wrapped around her body, his steady hands resting on her stomach and rubbing it absently through the thin fabric, his warm breath moving closer to her neck. Subconsciously, her eyes squeezed shut, mind losing the track of thoughts in this dangerous long-lost sensation.

_Gosh, how she missed him._

"I quit UCLA." He answered while pressing teasing kisses on her earlobe, her neck and down on her jaw, slowly, gently licking her sensitive skin.

She should struggle, she should get out of his arms, and she should storm out the auditorium and stay away from him.

But she didn't. Her mind was yelling to regain her self control but her body refused to comply.

"For what? New York? " Her voice was more like a choke, husky and low, one more word might set her pant and whimpers free.

"If I say no that would be lying, but that's not the main purpose after all." He withdrew his arms, and tucked her body around to face him. The seriousness in his eyes was undeniable, "You."

Shaking her head fiercely, her lips curved into a bitter smile, "Jesse, I don't even know why you left me, I don't even know when you transferred back, and I don't even know why you and your teammates egged me. You said those fancy words the day before and cracked an egg on my head the next. And now you're back like nothing ever happened. You chose whatever that was over me, fame, trophy, career, anything, but not me. Honestly, I couldn't tell which part of you, -of us-, was real, and which part wasn't. You left me a puzzle, some pieces in it just couldn't be put in the right place. I need the truth."

"I'm sorry." looking into her eyes firmly, he saw the pain in those beautiful jewels, something wet glistening in them, like daggers shot into his heart. "I'm sorry for everything I done that hurt you. Rach, hurting you is the greatest regret in my life. I've made a stupid mistake for us, and you hated me, for a good reason. But you've got to know that I meant every word, every word about us, about my feelings for you, from the start to the end. The only thing I said wrong was those three words in the parking lot, before I walked away from you."

"So _that's_ faked?" Her eyes darkened, grief emerging on her face.

"I'd say I shouldn't use past tense."

Her body stiffened visibly. She turned her head away to escape from his dreadful stare, but he cupped her face with his hand and forced her to look at him again, to confront _their _true feelings.

"If there was anything faked, that should be me making sure to use the past tense on purpose. Rachel, I love you. I should say I love you. And it's still true to this very second. I used to think that fame is the only thing that matters to me, but I realized that losing you was much too high a price to pay, I realized that you are something that matters to me more."

Shock spread over her face because of his convincing confession, she tried to step back and keep the distance, but his next move left her completely motionless.

Still cupping her face with his hand, he leaned closer, and captured her lips with his without hesitation. They both groan at the intimate contact between their bodies. He had fantasized about kissing her, touching her again for thousands of times while they were apart. Her fragrance, the taste and the softness of her lips, and her charming moans were all haunting him in his dreams. The kiss began to heat up, his tongue pleaded for entrance, and she couldn't help but give in. Totally unaware of how much their actions had crossed the line, she reached out her hand and ran through his disheveled curly strands. When they both broke for breathing, she was already clinging on him boneless.

Suddenly realized what they had done, she stood straight and withdrew her arms.

"Jesse, we, uh, I can't. We're done, you lost me the day you humiliated me, I won't let you trick me into burning myself again. I'm over you, I moved on. Besides, I'm…I'm with Finn now, and all I ask is you staying away from me."

"No you're not."

"I'm sorry?"

"You're not with Hudson. Otherwise he won't go to the prom with Quinn."

"Well Quinn wants to…"

"And may I ask if he's your boyfriend by now, why do you keep our photograph in your locker?"

"When did you see my locker?" She stared at him incredulously.

"Well, Miss Berry, it's just a lucky guess, and you ended up admit it yourself to me just now." A ghostly smirk reappeared at the corner of his lips, laying all her impromptu lies bare. Of course he won't tell her that he already checked with Quinn previously. "Even if you are, even if you are with him, tell me that if you are as happy as while we were together, tell me he makes you feel the way I did to you. As for staying away from you, I happened to recall that I told you that I'll never miss your drama."

His promise and declaration were too sincere for her to persuade herself that he's deceiving her again.

"I think I need time alone."

Picking up her stuff, she walked out of the auditorium in haste, left him alone in the dark.

**TBC**

* * *

Finally another chapter! Jesse's back!

You have no idea how excited I was while writing their encounter in the auditorium. Since you already had the scene in the original episode, I cut out some details of environmental description. Hope that's okay.

As you see, their reunion is different from the one in Glee. I think the one in Glee is lack of angst, and Rachel's react is strange. Rachel is not the kind of person who can forget her pain easily. She can understand Jesse since they are the same kind of people, but she still won't be _so quickly _to forgive him. And Jesse is totally not the kind of student who can get _flunk out,_ no way! Maybe simply quit for Rachel is better, don't you think? ;)

Here's a little spoiler. For the next few chapters I will add plot about what happened before the prom. And I can tell you now that Rachel will forgive Jesse in a certain circumstance in Chapter 4, but stop, that's it, they are not back on to 'relationship' yet. Next update will be this weekend since I kept you guys waiting for more than two weeks.

As always, please R&R, I really want to know what you think, and try some guess about what's gonna happen. ;)

XOXO

Andrea.


	4. A Brand New Beginning

**Author's Note**

Again, thanks so much for my reviewer _Soyli Oliveira__. _(Btw I was wondering what I should call you.) About the last name Anderson, bingo, you got it! But no spoilers by now! ;)

As you can see in the topic of this chapter, yes, they are going to start over again! Alright, actually start with being friends at first. But of course that's not the final goal. Hope it will work this time, right? ;)

BTW, my settings have another difference with the original season 1, that in this story, Rachel already gave her virginity to Jesse in Madonna episode.

BGM-Everytime by Britney Spears

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Glee. Just for fun. And I also don't own any song and lyrics contained in this chapter.

_Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri (Actually Rachel's version in the prom episode, the change of songs at prom will be explained later) _

_Everytime by Britney Spears_

_Back to December by Taylor Swift _

_Best I Ever Had by State of Shock_

_When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne_

_Come Back to Me by Utada Hikaru_

_And _

_One and Only by Adele_

* * *

**Chapter 4 A Brand New Beginning**

[So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.]

-Jesse St. James

It's 7 in the evening.

Although it was Friday, she wasn't used to wandering outside after school.

But she was walking aimlessly down on the main street of Lima with her bag still on one of her shoulders for more or less two hours after she finished her homework at school today. Glee club was off because Mr. Schue needed to check the paperwork and do some research of their practice songs and the list for prom first. She was grateful, actually, for there she wouldn't have to face her teammates' questions about her depressed mood.

"It's this time of the year again." She murmured.

Indeed, summer was about to come. The solar were moving on its orbit, getting closer to the Tropic of Cancer. Daytime was extended, the moment of sunset was delayed and the dawning came earlier. Trees were sprouting, turning greener and wider. Leaves crisscrossed and overlapped with each other, started to fill and cover the seams between branches, and made a dense arbor high above the ground which was getting harder for sunbeam to pass through. The bright new green of the trees covered the small town in a lively, delightful way. When sunlight spread over the leaves, just lift your head and you would find the veins of life and energy shining brightly.

But that was in the daytime. When it was about 6 o'clock, the dusk replaced the sunny afternoon. The sun was burning like a fire ball, dying the clouds around it into bloody red, and drowning, inch by inch, almost invisible. But after walking a while, she discovered in surprise that the mountain gave the sun a big bite.

Although it was the main street, she could hardly see any passerby. The darkness was flooding into the sky, spreading fast like virus and devouring the light. Street lights lit up, created a dim yellow haze wrapping around the sidewalk. Unaware of where she had gone to, she looked around and was astonished by the store in front of her.

_Oh hell._

The warm glow in the music store went through the French windows. Standing on the sidewalk, she can see clearly those people inside the store. They were picking books and CDs, sitting down at the table beside the transparent glass, drinking Starbucks, reading biographies and music theory and stuff. In the center of the store, she recognized directly through the window, the piano _he _once played. She used to sit beside him and sing together.

_What a **perfect** moment to come here again._

Secretly decided to test herself, Rachel walked toward it, and pushed the wooden door open.

* * *

Sitting on the piano bench, ignoring others' curious gaze, she opened the cover, and the gate of memory struck open.

"_**Here? I'm a little nervous."**_

_-See, I had grown up, and I'm not nervous anymore._

_-Wasn't that what I learnt from you?_

Pull off the velvet cloth, the black-and-white keyboard was revealed. Seemed that the owner of the store was a careful person, each key was clean without any dust, exactly as what she saw last year. No lines and traces of time and frequent usage had affected the piano. Pressing the first note, a beautifully, gently played intro flowed around the room. After a few chord, the song started.

"_Know I can't take one more step towards you."_

The piano accompaniment was simple, and she already practiced at home for many times. With the emotion of the lyrics deepened, she subconsciously closed her eyes at intervals, fully merged in the memories, and perhaps, to avoid tears bursting out.

And she was unaware of the person who came in a little while after the beginning of the song. He was shocked for a moment, then stood still a feel steps away from the piano.

"_I learned to live, half alive. Now you want me one more time._

_And who do you think you are, running round leaving scars, collecting a jar of hearts, and tearing love apart."_

Sensing a familiar scent, and a familiar stare, her eyes shot open, but without breaking the song, instead, her voice grew stronger and louder, like a declaration.

"_I have grown too strong, to ever fall back in your arms._

_It took so long just to feel alright around, remember how to put back the light in my eyes _

_I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed. Cause you broke all your promises."_

Her fierce gaze met his. Shaking her head with resolve, a grin of triumph and pride was placed on her face. But she didn't know he could define that was a show face.

Although she's an expert.

"_Who do you think you are?"_

The final note died out like a gurgling stream flowing far away, echoing around the space and vanished into nowhere.

He moved closer, standing beside the bench and waited for her to stand up.

And she did, slipped on her show face again, turning to him, emotionless.

"What a coincidence. Since you are here, why not we do some practice? I've done mine, and thankfully, I'm not nervous anymore. " Her words was harsh enough to cut him deep, but don't forget, they are both experts.

"I think I'd like that." He nodded.

But he soon realized in amusement.

_-She remembered my words so precisely. And if she wasn't struggling, she couldn't possibly be this late for home._

Hiding his smirk perfectly, he sat on the bench, and started his show.

The song was popular enough that everyone was familiar to. Although Rachel wasn't fond of Britney, she was aware in astonishment quickly that what he was about to say with the song, but she never predicted, at then, that how affective that would be for _her_.

"_Notice me, take my hand. _

_Why are we, strangers when._

_Our love is strong, why carry on without me."_

His voice was not as sharp as the one earlier today, but velvety, melting into the emptiness and sorrow of the single note melody. The sadness filled in her ears, invaded her mind and captivated her heart.

Her chest clutched with a pain she couldn't define. Involuntarily moving closer, hesitantly she sat next to him, as if the song was a luring charm. Turning around and searching for his face, she distinguished the wistfulness, truly.

_-No_.

"_Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings, I feel so small, I guess I need you baby._

_And Everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, it's haunting me, I guess I need you baby."_

It was a girl's song, but he somehow made a great version out of it without any oddness.

It felt like, he meant every word, as he said previously in the auditorium.

_-Fateful voice, convincing emotion, but no, I can't give a chance for you to do this to me again._

How could she trust him, how could she give him her faith again, and how could she surrender just like this, like a puppet he could control with his bare hands.

But the memories collided, attacking her strength and resolve.

_**-"Your version of Don't Rain On My Parade was totally lack of Barbra's emotion depth."**_

_**-"But, you are talented."**_

…

_**-"I loved you."**_

_**-"I'd say I shouldn't use past tense."**_

_**...**_

_**-"When you love something, you gotta go for it."**_

…

_**-"It's an inevitability."**_

…

"_I may have made it rain, please forgive me._

_My weakness caused you pain, _

_And this song's my sorry."_

He protracted the last note on purpose, like emphasizing the sentence. Glancing at her distracted face, he understood that she was trapped in some sort of self-contradiction, so he finished the ending melody.

Her eyes fluttered close for the alarm that ran through her body, the impulse of tears was screaming to rush out, and she inhaled sharply.

_-No, Rachel Berry, you're not that silly girl anymore._

She could feel the poignancy of the past and her over-dramatic emotion for now were melting together into a specific kind of liquid, which was frightfully devastating, eager to be unleashed. She had to pretend, to hold on, to stay strong, no matter how much her heart want to shout out the truth. Lifting her chin, she blinked rapidly, but it still broke out, incontrollable.

_-Crap, how could you be so vulnerable? You can't afford taking this risk again._

Noticing her strange position, Jesse turned around and caught the glinting traces of tears on her face, anxious and flurry scoured over his mind.

"Rach, hey," Leaning closer, he wiped the dampness at the corner of her eyes with his thumb gently. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's nothing, please don't. I…I just…"She waved her hand dismissively, "I have to go."

* * *

Rachel rose from her seat, grabbed her bag and went straight outside the store in panic, disappearing in the streetlight.

"St. James, this better be emergency, do you have any idea what time it is here?" Frank finally picked up, his phone had been buzzing for quite a while.

Jesse's brow furrowed, mind went slow for a second, then realized after a simple math that it was still early evening in CA, it was rehearsal time.

"Oh shit, sorry Anderson, should I call you back later?"

"No need, you were about to blow up my phone, and I let my understudy took over. So what on earth made you so impatient, anyway?"

"I bumped into her in the music store we met today, I sang Britney's Everytime to her, and she cried and escaped." Jesse went directly to the topic, a hint of confidence sparkling in his voice.

"What? Did you scare her off? St. James, if you recall, I happened to tell you not to screw…"Frank's voice trailed off, "Wait, why the hell you sounded a little over-excited?"

"Seriously, Anderson, I didn't mean to make her cry, and this is Rachel we're talking about, she almost never had the word 'tear' in her dictionary. So this, we can say, is unprecedented. I'm sure she thought of the past, and she was moved."

"Whoa. And I assume we can say that stunt is incredibly efficacious? Maybe you should find another chance to serenade her, since her resolve of keeping you outside is becoming unstable."

"Actually I already found that chance, but it's just a matter of time." He grinned genuinely at this end of the phone. Shutting it down after goodbye, he just waited.

* * *

Her dads were out together for a conference, they won't be back until Nationals' over. So she was alone today. She used to complain about the loneliness, but not today, not now.

Plopping down on her bed, Rachel opened the zipper of her schoolbag. She tried to take out her ipod, but unexpectedly, her earphone's wire was tangled with another object. Pulling it out with force, she found out in surprise that it was a CD case.

And she had neither the idea of what it was for, nor who put it in her bag.

Turning it around and open up, the note that stuck on it caught her gaze.

**To Rachel**

Just two simple words, but she knew clearly the handwriting.

She struggled to shut close the case and throw it outside the window, but she just couldn't, for sheer curiosity or something else whatsoever. She couldn't help but place it into the stereo and pressed 'play'.

It was a mix record of a bunch of apology songs.

She just listened to him singing an hour ago, but she must admit that how much solace and assurance she found in his voice, though her body tensed up because of the theme of the songs.

Honestly, she didn't even know what she wanted herself.

"_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine."_

"_You and I were living like a love song, now I know you're the only one that I want"_

"_Everything that I do reminds me of you."_

"_I wish that I could Photoshop all our bad memories, cuz the flashbacks, just won't leave me alone."_

"_God only knows why it's taken me so long, to let my doubts go."_

Rachel became extremely sensitive towards those words in different songs, from _Back to December_ to _One and Only_. The songs already ended, but those lyrics were still spinning around in her mind.

And those apologies-

"_So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night."_

"_I'm here to say I'm sorry, and ask for a second chance."_

"_When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you."_

"_I admit I cheated, don't know why I did it, but I do regret it."_

"_So come on and give me a chance, to prove I'm the one who can walk that mile."_

She just couldn't keep fooling herself and denying his sincerity any longer, not that in his voice, in his eyes, on his face, or in his actions.

The past fell off like the world was collapsing, too overwhelming and broke her sanity. No matter what he did, no matter how harmful it was to her, her heart had led her to give faith in him again, at least forgive him for the past.

She was never truly over him.

Tears eventually fell freely down her cheeks, finally released her emotional shackles.

Just let go.

* * *

_-Are you home yet?_

Flipping her phone open as she approaching the St. James household, she raised an eyebrow in the recognition of their sync. And plus, a stream of warmth flowing into her heart for his solicitude.

_-No._

Jesse was lying on the couch leisurely, meanwhile waiting for her reaction in anticipation. His uncle and aunt—Allen and Kate St. James was out of town for their anniversary, so the house was quite empty and silent. Almost jumping off the couch when he heard his phone buzzed really quickly after his message was sent, he read the simple word, smiled then frowning, he texted her back immediately.

_-Knew you'd never delete my number ;) But Rach, it's late._

_-It's not like there's any danger since I'm now outside of your door. We need to talk._

His eyes widened in disbelief. Rising from the couch, Jesse strode to the door and opened it quickly, and her face appeared in front of him.

"Rachel. What's wrong?" He looked questioningly at her. Down in the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of the traces of tears.

"May I come in?" She tugged the corner of her lips to a timid grin.

"Uh, sure, come on in."

Sitting on the couch once again, with her of course, he turned to face her on the other side of the couch. But before he could ask anything, her words took over.

"Jesse, did you sneak anything in my bag?" Looking down at the cup of coffee in her hands, the night was still cold, and the warm mist of the coffee was rising in the dimness of the room.

Soy latte, bravo, how did he always manage to remember her routine?

That wasn't even a question, of course it was him, but she was trying to get the when and how figured out.

"Like what? An autograph? A costume? A ticket to _Wicked_? "

"Jesse!"

"I put it in when we were in the auditorium." He altered the teasing tone into seriousness.

"But how? We were singing a duet if you recall." She still didn't raise her head, blinking her eyes.

"Well, while I made you distracted, your bag was aside." He pretended to answer nonchalantly, a glimpse of mischief passed in his eyes.

"So _that _was on purpose, how witty of you, Mr. St. James." She teased.

"I'd say I simply wanted to do that, it was just also a perfect chance to put it in, though."

His mention of 'distraction' made a slight pink creeping on her cheeks. Noticing the change of topic, she lifted her eyes, locked with his tenderly, and went straight.

"I listened to it, and, apology accepted. Jesse, I forgive you"

His eyes widened incredulously, as if his sudden luck was unbelievable. While he hadn't recovered from the news, she added,

"I thought a lot on my way here. If I were you, I might do the same thing too. We are so alike, that we gave our team, trophies and career the priority. Actually I'm grateful that I wasn't the one done that, cuz I probably would never gain your forgiveness." Her lips curved upwards reluctantly, "What I've been pacing back and forth about was _us_. After you left, I was eager for an explanation, but I couldn't lay down my pride and go face you, and till now, I could sense that it wasn't that simple, you haven't told me the whole story. I need to know. And, no, I can't trust you so easily again. This time we need to take down slow, I need time, before giving myself to you completely. I can't say yes so fast now, but I have to confess that pushing you out of my life was not an option either. "

"I thought you'd never come back, to me." Suddenly pulling her into his embrace, he sighed with content and relief, swearing to himself not to blow it off again this time.

_-Jesse St. James, you're the luckiest bastard in the entire world._

"And miss the chance to sing with you again? Never." Encircling her arms around his waist, she leaned her head on his shoulder, breathing his scent into her lungs, and smiled genuinely.

* * *

"Aren't Allen and Kate home today?"

They were lying on the couch comfortably. Rachel waist was steadily wrapped around by Jesse's arms. Head leaning on his chest, she could hear his pounding heartbeats, and that made her feel safe, again.

"No, they were out for their 20th anniversary trip, might take a few weeks. Since you're so late for home, your dads aren't home?"

"They have a conference in San Francisco for three weeks. I'm gonna be all alone." Shifting her position, she leaned closer to him and grumbled softly.

Silence filled in, but no awkwardness at all. Like a long few minutes later, they broke it together.

"Hey, I'm wondering…"

"Hey, I forgot to tell you about…"

They both paused, and burst into laughter together. But Rachel let Jesse speak first.

"I'm going to work as ND's new consultant. I already spoke to Schuester and he officially hired me, since, as I expected, he needs someone to assist him."

Her head shot up a little, looking into his yes, a huge grin was showing on her face.

"Really? Oh my goodness, this is awesome, we're going to win for sure if we have you! But it's such a shame that you can't sing with us, with me. We're gonna be unstoppable."

"Yeah, power couple and all that right? But that's fine. We'd better save it for Broadway someday."

"Good point." She giggles, leaning on him back again.

"So, you were saying…?" He reminded her.

"Oh, right, uh, I need a prom date."

"I'll take that as an honor." He smirked, hand playing with her gorgeous dark long locks absently.

"Shut up, St. James, who says I'm asking you?" Her eyes narrowed, but her smile betrayed her thoughts.

"You aren't?" He pouted intentionally and muttered with mischievous hurt.

"Beat me why, but yes, I am." Her face fell, rolling her eyes, she swat him on his arm playfully.

"Come on Rach, you know why. I'm talented, handsome, charming…I mean, which good quality do I lack of?"

"Well, can you at least have one modest bone in your body?"

"Honey, if I gave up my ego someday, you'd better check out this is the real Jesse St. James, or whether I have gone insane."

Intentionally ignored his words, she regain the seriousness.

"You know, others in glee club called you St. Jerk. So you'd better be careful, I can't assure you that Finn or Puck won't give you a punch on your face the second you walk into our rehearsal. But thankfully you're hired by Mr. Schue, so that also reduced the danger that I might be kicked out if I'm with you at prom."

"St. Jerk? Seriously? Well, I have to say that name is pretty creative. Anyway, I think I choose the right time to come back, since I definitely don't want _Hudson_ take you to prom." His eyes narrowed because of the mention of Finn. He remembered the scene at Regionals, how Hudson sang 'Faithfully' with her, how he pressed himself close to her while dancing. And he was in his seat, fist clenching with jealousy, wanted to rip Hudson into pieces.

But she somehow understood what he was thinking,

"Jesse, that was Regionals, that's performance, I'm professional."

"Miss Berry, could you please stop reading my mind, or maybe you should simply keep it to yourself?" He smirked before continuing, "But you still got back with him again."

"He took advantage of my sad mood. See, he left me again for Quinn this time, for his goddamn reputation." Rachel shrugged nonchalantly.

"Guess I can do some revenge to him for you this time?" He quirked an eyebrow and suggested

"No need, revenge is for stimulation, I don't need him anymore. He and I are not the same type of person. I should've realized it sooner. It was because he said he loves me before we go on stage, so I was stunned for a while. "

His face froze in a second, and he blurted out,

"It's not like I didn't say it."

"Jesse, it was a different situation. Let's not dwell on the past, shall we? He was never your competition whatsoever." Incautiously, she didn't realize what she was about to say, until it slipped from her lips.

_-Is that an implication of I want him and only him?_

His heart bubbled with joy, but to avoid causing embarrassing tension, he didn't elaborate. "Then when do you plan on giving me that answer? I suppose every test has a deadline."

"Watch it, St. James. You sound like an impatient little boy. Well, after prom."

**TBC**

* * *

Sorry for delaying two days, my wifi wasn't working, it took a while to get it repaired.

Hope you like it.

Spoilers for next chapter, they're going to hang out in the weekend and Rachel's gonna shop for her prom dress, and they're going to bump into someone. Guess who's that?

;) As usual, please R&R, I'd like to know your opinion~!

XOXO

Andrea.


	5. Reveal Part I

**Author's Note**

_To Soyli: _Yes you're right again! They're going to have a romantic weekend, start with a romantic night ;)

_To everyone: _As you might already noticed the change of the summary, I considered for a while but eventually decided to reveal it to you right now, _**but actually it's quite far from the current chapter. **_Teenage pregnancy usually stands for immature and rush, but my pure intention is to put Jesse and Rachel together into some tough situation that they never expected before, and through that, they'll learn how to consider more for each other, they'll know something called responsibility. (They sort of already do, but unlike the Rachel and Jesse in S03E21 who looked more grown-up, in S2 they still got an adolescent side.)

BTW, I just wrote a one-shot called_**'It's All Coming Back to Us Now'**_. If you haven't read it, please check it when you got time, and I'm waiting for your reviews. LOL

**For this chapter to work, Rachel already lost her virginity to Jesse in S01, but I reconsidered so it was set a little while after E15. \**

For the duet part: **Bold**-Jesse, _Italic_-Rachel, _**Bold and Italic**_-together.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own glee, if I did, there won't be that joke called Finchel. And I don't own the song _'Just A Kiss' _by Lady Antebellum (You may use this as BGM) .

* * *

**Chapter 5 Reveal [Part I]**

[Could I hold you for a lifetime, could I look into your eyes, could I have this night to share this night forever?]

-Jesse St. James

Night.

The digital clock was shining in a glisten green color, the numbers on it just turned to 1:00.

Moonlight went across the bright, transparent French windows, through the thin silk curtains, flowing into the room so peacefully. The tender, serene silver gleam covered the girl and the boy on the couch lovingly, as if protecting them to stay still in their world.

The girl was fully covered by a blanket, while the boy's arm wrapping around her protectively. Her forehead leaning against the crook of his neck, and face resting near his chest, they were both breathing steadily, with a slight, content smile at the corner of their lips, composed a perfect tableau that no one would dare to disturb.

Across from the couch, the movie of _Funny Girl _had already ended, seemed like they fell asleep during it. Not very surprising, they were both far too familiar with that. And after a whole day of astonishment, unexpected encounters, reunion, emotional overcharge, and the change of mind and thoughts, there was no way they didn't get exhausted.

But this scene, this long lost sensation, this déjà vu, was too good to be true.

Blinking his eyes sleepily, it took him a moment to react for what happened and who was he with.

_This was goddamn far too good, like one of his dreams and fantasies just came alive._

Subconsciously tightening his embrace, he looked down, and caught her relieving smile on the face. For such long a time, he hadn't had a chance observing her so closely.

Rachel was never that kind of conventionally pretty, hot girl, like Brittany and Santana, and she didn't have that kind of elegance which usually belongs to those girls from upper class families, like Quinn. But she was enchanting and gorgeous, especially under spotlights, like she was cut out for stages and Broadway. And actually she was good looking, nice skin, bright eyes, dark hair and full lips. Something more captivating about her were the singing voice, those soft whimpers and moaning when he was kissing her, and those smiles and the melodic giggles when he somehow made her laugh. And in his arms, she always looked like an angel, without worries, hurt, anger and pain, perfectly pure and peaceful, curling up beside him, believing.

How stupid it was that he had her heart in his hand then threw it way?

Thankfully, he had her back, although not back on to the level of relationship, he was already fortunate enough to come close to her for the second time.

Smiling in silence, the current sensation brought him back to the days they were dating. They were used to this then, having movie marathons on weekend nights, and she always curled up beside him and arms resting around his waist, pressing her ear against his chest, and often fell asleep just on the couch. Close enough, they could hear each other's breath and the steady heartbeats. Soon it became a habit, became a custom between them. And it still felt too ethereal that it came back to him again.

His meditation didn't stop at this point. In a dark night and holding her near only caused him recalling something more vivid and tempting. When he transferred to McKinley and got rid of the barriers between them, everything promoted to a higher level. Their dating wasn't clandestine anymore, they could spend more time together, and…...their make out got increasingly erotic and romantic.

Then it came to something they had been discussing for several times, and felt like it was the right moment. Sex was never something unfamiliar for him, and Rachel wasn't the only virgin girlfriend he ever had. But in any relationship he ever had with someone, he never treated any other girl the way he treated her. For Rachel, he was more like a real boyfriend, being possessive and protective, taking care and enjoying time with her. He was jealous, and he was concerned, so there was a voice inside his heart persuading him to claim his woman like that.

To her, he made love, and gave_ epic romance_.

She was perfectly relaxing that night, as she trusted him wholeheartedly. On the other hand, he was the one got extremely nervous, trying to keep everything slow and gentle not to harm her.

But, anyway, the sensation was incomparable. He understood now, it wasn't only about physical reaction, but the exquisite intimacy between hearts and souls. The way their lips crushed, their warm skin pressed against each other, his husky groans and her whimpers of pleasure mixed into one, and the way their body connected, exchanging heat and creating a rhythm together only proved that, at then, he was already irrevocably in love with her.

Involuntarily exhaled heavily at these devastating thoughts of their first night, Jesse turned his attention back on Rachel to distract him from the effect they caused, and he discovered that her smile had vanished. She shifted a little in his arms, but didn't wake up, lips trembling while muttering something hard to distinguish.

"Jesse…"

He realized when the whispers turned louder, that she was mumbling his name.

Surprise and excitement scoured over his heart. He couldn't even believe it was true, everything was true.

Then her mutters grew stronger and more desperate like trying to catch something fading very fast. Her hands suddenly gripped onto his shirt tightly like dear life. Not giving his mind any time to precede what was going on, in the moonlight, he spotted the sparkling silver liquid drop flowing down on her cheeks, a small drop, but punched him hard on his stomach.

What were she dreaming, those bad memories, him leaving her again, and hurting her again? How much doubts and misgivings he brought to her, how much insecurity and uneasiness he made her suffer? Then that was the reason, her fragility, her fears and worries just wouldn't let her trust him easily.

But, what he couldn't believe more was the position he still held inside her heart, even she already stated she wasn't ready for starting again, they were only pacing back and forth on the vague line between friends and lovers, but her heart was keeping warning her for his presence. He could affect her that much? So, how could he mend her broken heart, to reassure her?

Perhaps only time could tell.

He wouldn't cross the line before having her permission, but secretly making this move wouldn't harm either, especially at a crucial moment, that he just needed to make her feel a little safer.

And he couldn't stand this seduction anymore, like a little boy standing outside a candy store.

In that case…..

Bending down and leaning closer, his lips traced down on her face to kiss away the tear, and finally captured hers for a shallow but lingered, soft kiss. Her warm lips against his almost set up a fire and burnt his sanity down. As much as his desire gave him the encouragement of deepening it, his mind chimed the alarm and dragged him back.

Not now.

"Hey, Rach, I'm here, not going anywhere." Pressing his lips to her ear, he spoke, like a charm luring her to calm down, hand caressing her hair lovingly.

And she did. That soft smile replaced that worried look slowly, once more. Her knuckles let go of the force. Finding a more comfortable position in his embrace, but her sleep turned shallow. Her eyelashes were trembling slightly, like butterfly wings, gentle like a light breath. In case she would see him if she wakes up, Jesse shut his eyes close immediately, waiting for her reactions.

Blinking several times to get used to the dark, Rachel opened her eyes and also took a moment to recall what happened yesterday. Looking up, the warmth that wrapped around her was nobody else but Jesse. Time broken around them, she felt, they had been drew back to last year, those days full of happiness and pure joy.

She just had a bad dream, perhaps a subconscious of her insecurity, that she saw him leaving her alone again. She was crying, heartbrokenly, and calling his name, trying to grab him. And the worst part was, her subconscious had been keeping resounding a truth, a terrifying one, that he was still so important in her heart.

A moment later, dream turned blank, and she felt his warm, assuring kiss on her lips. His velvety voice swirling around her ear, saying he would never leave her.

Was that also a dream, illusion, or…reality? Perhaps he woke up and actually heard her calling his name, then…

_This is ridiculous, Rachel Berry, stop it._

The outline of his face wasn't clear in the darkness, but she couldn't help reaching out and caressing his cheek, carefully, tenderly.

Jesse's eyes was tightly shut, and he cursed himself secretly as her touch lingered on his face and sent a shiver down his spine.

Rachel sighed with a mix of emotion. She longed to get closer to him, immediately, back onto what they used to be. But she was too scared to do that without making sure it's right.

Although he had made it crystal clear.

"Do you really love me, Jesse?" She whispered as she stared at his face, more like to _herself_.

Although he had told her that without any hesitation.

"I still love you, you know. It's just I can't convince myself that you're not going to hurt me again, and I'm afraid to give my heart back to you right now." Didn't realize he was actually awake, her hand moved to his hair, meanwhile continued with a thick voice which was affected by tears, "Crap, what am I saying, perhaps you owned my heart from the start. See, just one day and you crushed all my effort of forgetting you this whole year into pieces. With you, I'm always so vulnerable."

He forced himself to hold the gasp, and his heart skipped a beat when hearing that word coming out of her mouth.

_She still **loves** him, not simply having feelings._

"It's just I'm not ready to have faith in you again."

Sighing heavily again, she placed her hand on his shoulder, moving a little, and left a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Good night."

Leaning her body closer to his, she sunk back into his warmth, and let the exhaustion take her to unconscious.

And she missed the blue-grey eyes that opened and stared at her with complicated affections.

He'll find a way to win her heart, and her faith, completely, once again.

Start with finding all their happiness back, even as the identity of friends.

* * *

As the bright sunbeam found its way into the house, Jesse woke up from the peaceful rest and delightfully discovered the girl in his arms wasn't awake yet.

But probably because of their sync, sensing his move, Rachel woke from her sleep too. Blinking several times to adjust the sudden sunlight, she lifted her head up a little to look at him, surprisingly found out he was watching her with the familiar smirk at the corner of his lips. And hers curved upwards too.

"Good morning." Whispering, he reached her forehead and brushed the fringe of her hair gently.

"Good morning." Already had the emotional preparation for this morning last night, without awkwardness anymore, she greeted lazily, "Any plans for today?"

"I think you might need to shop for your prom dress this weekend, don't you?"

"Uh, I haven't considered that, but good idea."

Rising from the couch, Rachel made her way to the bathroom, and gaped at the shelf as she saw her comb and towel were still there.

"If you want to change, I think I still got your clean clothes in my bedroom." He said with amusement, standing a few steps behind her with arms crossed. He then added with a hint of bitterness, "I didn't get a chance to return it to you last year."

"Why?" Swirling around to face him and she asked, "Why not in the summer?"

He knew what she was referring.

"I heard that you were with _him_ after Regionals. And I can't imagine us doing the long-distance thing, plus, we both needed some time to calm down and find out what we really want."

"And after almost a year, you think…"

"Yes. With a little complexity before that, but, what I want is you."

"I just need…"

"Time, for being able to trust me again. Rach, I got it, you're doing it for the right reason, and I'm not pushing this." Stepping forward, he completed the sentence for her, and leaning closer to press a quick kiss on her cheek. "I'm willing to wait."

Both of them smiled as the reprise of their old lines. She turned back to grab her comb.

"So, what's for breakfast?"

"Well, I guess we still got cereal and some fruit…"Hearing his voice traveling across the room from the kitchen, her grin grew wider.

* * *

"So, we were talking about plans….." Opening the passenger door of his Range Rover, she mentioned the previous topic, "What else?"

"I got tickets to the tour of _Wicked _tonight, but it's in Akron, so I'm afraid, if you want to go, we have to drive to Akron for your dress."

Her eyes widened and gasped in excitement, delight obviously sparkling in her eyes. "Of course I want to go! But, wait, you said _tickets_? Oh, you bought that to bribe me, didn't you?" She raised an eyebrow quizzically at him.

"That was the plan, not so useful right now but still don't want to waste it, honestly, we should be respectful to Broadway."

"Conceded."

After fastening the seat belt, the engine started. Rachel began to search for CDs in the case, and incidentally let a photo slipped out. Picking it up, she peered at it as the memories flushed back overwhelmingly.

"Rachel?" Turning his attention from the steering wheel to look at her, he frowned with concern when noticing what she was gazing at.

"I remembered the way you looked onstage, although with the show face on, I knew you were upset."

The photo was taken during VA's performance last Regionals. And her eyes were caught by the curly hair boy in that pink shirt, who was sitting in front of a piano.

"Just curious, why were you alone then?"

"Quinn's water broke and everyone else went to the hospital with her. But I have to stay, and I wanted to."

And Quinn's daughter, Beth, became her sister that day.

They both knew that.

Clearly didn't want to hang on this sensitive topic, she slid it back to the case, carried on flipping the records, while continuing, "Speaking of VA, any idea what they might perform this year?"

He smirked with amusement, "Spying, Miss Berry? That's not very noble of you. But I have no idea, their powerhouse this year isn't a male lead, so…Wait, I think I have something."

Rachel stopped her actions because of his words. Freed his right hand to grab his ipod, he suggested Rachel to plug it into the stereo as he clicked a song.

"I wrote this before I left, and few months ago they emailed me this, said it was their new lead's version. I think her name is…what is it? Right, Sunshine, a Filipino.

Rachel's countenance froze for the mention of her name, but quietly, she listened.

"_All my life, I've waited for the right moment to let you know, I don't wanna let you go._

_But now I realize, there's just no perfect time, to confess how I feel, this much I know is real._

_So I refuse to waste one more second without you knowing my heart._

_Baby cuz I don't need anything else but your love, nothing but you means a thing to me._

_I'm incomplete, when you're not there, holding me touching me._

_I swear, all of the rest could just disappear,_

_And I wouldn't even care_

_As long as you're there."_

"She's really good, isn't she?" Rachel inhaled sharply and commented reluctantly, "And the song is brilliant, Jesse, honestly, I never thought you would write such an emotional song."

"It was after Regionals." He cleared his throat audibly, and that gave the plausible explanation, caused her turning to him again and gaze glued to him.

"Then why not save it for me?" Her whisper was almost unperceivable.

"I should've saved it for you. But I never thought I'll have a chance to let you even listen to it. You'll make a better version out of that, I'm sure."

"No, I guess I won't."

"Of course you will. That song was based on _your_ vocal range. But Sunshine did have good voice."

"I have a confession to make, but promise me you won't blame me for that. It's about Sunshine."

"Rachel, you know I won't. You knew her before?"

"She came to audition for our glee club before she transferred to Carmel."

"Guess you used some tricks to eliminate your competition?" He asked calmly with that smirk on his face.

"How did you know that?" She frowned with both surprise and concern, wondering what opinion he held towards that.

"I kind of noticed your attitude when you said she was good. Let me guess, did you sent her to the Cheerio? Wrestling team? Or, more commonly, crack house?

"_More commonly, _Jesse? Where did these options come from? Been there, done that?" Part of her uneasiness was spared by his reaction, and she asked with a mischievous grin.

"Basically, although Cheerio was based on McKinley's specialty. Trust me, if there's a school teaching how to scare off your competition, I must be one of the notable alumni."

That sent her burst into laughing, but she quickly recomposed herself, "I guess my choice was the crack house. But, don't you think it's harmful for our team? You see, she's so great right now. I eliminated my competition but empowered our rival?"

"Rachel, there's nothing to be guilty about. We're alike, so I understand that both of us must keep our position in our team. And especially you in yours, because Schuster believed in what-so-called 'sharing the chance to glow'. But that's not a safe way to build a successful show choir, it's dangerous and risky. Talents deserve more opportunity to shine, and I'm not saying totally ignoring others' existence, but he has to keep the linchpin in your team. Rachel, without you, New Directions wouldn't have come this far at all, and don't expect me to forget the way your solo saved your whole team at Sectionals. There's a reason you feel insecure and threatened, since he already made you tired of sharing spotlight, but you got to believe that you're indispensable for them."

His words relieved all the pressure that had been torturing her heart. She kept taciturn in a moment, before giving him a sincere smile, and a 'thank you'.

Didn't know how many times she already does since his reappearance, but for once more, she felt having him beside her again might be the luckiest thing in her life.

**TBC**

* * *

**This chapter will be two parts, because it might be too long if I put all the content into one chapter, the next part is basically all set in Akron, so I cut it out from here.**

**Part II will come in a few more days, I'll be quick I swear. But I'd like to hear your opinion about this part first, or any guess about the later plot.**

**Keep going with the earlier question: who will they run into? Hint, it will be during the _Wicked_. And it led to a quite extreme situation.**

**XOXO,**

**Andrea.**


	6. Reveal Part II

**Author's Note**

Thanks again to Soyli; I also can't wait to write that part.

Meanwhile, to every reader of this story, I hope I can have more **REVIEWS** from you guys. I need those to feed my muse ;) It's not that difficult, you can simply write a short one about which part you like or which part you don't, and what's your opinion toward that. (And long comments are strongly welcomed!)I will appreciate it, a lot.

_**For this chapter to work, Rachel already lost her virginity to Jesse in S01, but I reconsidered so it was set a little while after E15. **_

For the duet part: **Bold**-Jesse, _Italic_-Rachel, _**Bold and Italic**_-together.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own glee, if I do, there wouldn't be that joke called Finchel. And I don't own the song _'Just A Kiss' _by Lady Antebellum (You may use this as BGM).

**Continue from the previous part.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 Reveal II**

[Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight, I don't wanna mess this thing up, I don't wanna push too far.]

-Jesse St. James

Finally tucked a CD of Sweeney Todd into the player, Rachel continued to skim the playlists of Jesse's ipod.

"Jesse, seriously, you are really a crazy fan of Queen…" She paused while still skimming the list, "And Sondheim." Raising an eyebrow at him, she teased.

"What's wrong with that? You have to admit that Sondheim is like a legend in the realm of music, and on Broadway. You literally just put a soundtrack of his into the player." Glaring playfully at her, he added, "Besides, Queen is classic. As a VA lead, I'm no stranger to their work. I basically considered naming my son Freddie."

"Former lead, may I remind you." She sneered with a triumphant smile which then turned to reluctance, "But honestly, I can't appreciate 'Freddie St. James'. And what if it's a girl?"

Frowning at her skeptically for a second, he stated, "I'm not going to name my daughter Barbra."

That provoked Rachel's debate as the worshipper of Barbra, "But why? Stephen Sondheim is a master but Barbra is a legend as much as he is!"

"But you actually had that in your own name, middle name, whatever. You sure that it's necessary to have it in your daughter's name as well?" Without considering what he leaked by saying this, his response just slipped, and it took both of them a few seconds to realize what exactly they were discussing.

_Wait, did they just mess up the concepts and the authority of 'my son' 'my daughter' and 'your daughter'?_

_The topic they were discussing about, didn't it sounded too close to the situation of parents-to-be?_

_Wait, did they technically talk each other into building a family together, or naming their children, whatsoever?_

This is horrifying.

They both bit their lower lips and remained taciturn at the realization of what they just talked each other into. Openly or subconsciously, they already assumed each other as the life partner and the other side of their future family?_ A family, not families._

It shouldn't have come this close to it, not now.

"So what were you actually up to with searching in my ipod?" Jesse was the first one to break the silence and move onto another topic.

"I was trying to have some ideas of the Nationals' list. I mean, Mr. Schue obviously have to take care of a lot of things, although now you are here and it won't be any chance that we still carry on the routine of 'last minute decision'. But it's still useful to propose some recommendation to him, and at least you and I can have the recognition first, he might, no, he has to listen to it this time." She shrugged and sighed as she maintained her search. "And I have to persuade my teammates about the songs and the choreography because, clearly, it's not easy to let them keep any of my suggestions in mind."

Sighing, Jesse's brow furrowed once again as he spoke, "Actually, despite the whole mistake of choosing the competition over you, I was really pissed at that time, because of the _Run Joey Run_ video of course, and plus what I said about 'New Directions don't listen to my suggestions'. It was true and you know it. Rach, you did everything that can possibly help the team and you are more professional than any of them, on the contrary, they put no effort more than the daily rehearsals and accused you for being bossy. _You_, no, _we_ are self-centered people if that's how they see it, because we belong to spotlight and we aren't doing any harm for the team. This is exactly what doesn't happen in VA, I suggested _Bohemian Rhapsody_ and I took care of almost half of the choreography, and they actually appreciated my advice."

"Oh, so that's not me being delusional." She whispered in a low voice, but he still heard it.

"What being delusional?" He asked, confusing.

"Ah…no, it's ah…Okay, it was that while I was watching your performance, I noticed the choreography and there was some lifts that I felt quite familiar with…... And I thought it might just be some coincidence…" Her voice trailed off and he cut in.

"It was not coincidence." He confessed slowly but firmly, "I did that. At first they were being uncomfortable with it. They said the movements were quite risky and if they don't trust each other completely, although they were all great dancers, that it might cause some bad effects on our performance if some mistakes were made. But they accomplished it, with me cutting out a lot of other arabesques. They didn't finish it as great as I expected them to, but fair enough." Pounding what to say next, he finally let it go. "They're not us."

They were talking about the ballet they practiced when he was still in McKinley, those lifts might be truly risky and uncomfortable for dancers that not being quite experienced in ballet.

And his last words contained too much emotion that obviously tangible but she didn't dare to perceive precisely at this moment.

But what she said next was totally another matter.

"Jesse, you…really cared about that video at that time?" Biting her lower lips gently, she finally asked.

Sighing heavily, he nodded, "I did."

"But, but you weren't taking this seriously at that time, were you? I know that video was completely ridiculous but I can't figure out why it affected you that much."

"I guess I already took it seriously the second I saw you at Sectionals, Rach, it was me being a total idiot and never realized, no, confront it. It was exactly jealousy that got the best of me and I was horrified to admit that." His countenance shifted into a mixture of emotion that seemed to ache with memory.

That sent her speechless, affected by his words and the hurt in it.

Let's just say, they both made mistakes.

"But what if I didn't make it? Would you still do what you did?" Her voice was hesitant and feeble, seemed to be concerned about his possible answers.

"Rach, I did what I did and I'm not relieving myself by blaming you for that video. Whatever you did to me first, you don't deserve that kind of treatment. I can't be sure what I would do if that video never existed, perhaps it was a factor that led to the later result, but it was still my fault. Aside from that horrible action itself, I actually appreciate that I did _it_ and said _that_."

She frowned in puzzlement at him.

"Otherwise there was no way for me to know how important you already were to me at that time. Guess humans always have to lose to learn how to cherish."

She was surprised by him, but also realized that this interpretation was also correct for she herself, like the way she felt when he walked away from her the first time, and the new sense of hope when he came back after spring break. "I…I never thought I meant…Why are we turning?" Her previous words lost the track as she saw him pulling off from the avenue and turned into a gas station, confusing.

"Just want to get some bottled water. We've been talking all along, and it's hot in Akron today, might be bad for your voice."

Stopping his car, Jesse got off and went to the convenient store, then came back with a few bottles of water and a can of coffee. And she just sat there still, watching him through the window of the car, her heart was twisting with his carefulness and warmth rippled in her heart unavoidably.

No one besides Jesse had actually listened to her talking. For example, Finn, whether it was about their problems, her own situations and troubles, or something she's interested in, he never took that in mind, and all of his responses were perfunctory and emotionless. Although today they were basically talking about, and doubting about, the past, in addition some music, he still paid real attention into it.

That was also a large part that she had been missing since he was gone, someone who trusted her, who didn't judge her with popularity, who made her feel being comfortable to be who she truly was.

* * *

They arrived in Akron soon after that, indeed. Saturday noon never meant to be quiet and lethargic in the city. Eventually parked at Target, they unbuckled their seat belt and got off the car, heading in. Walking side by side, Jesse silently held Rachel's hand, and gently interlaced their fingers at her acquiesce.

The process of dress shopping went quite well, although Rachel didn't let Jesse see, not to mention comment, her choice of dress. He did trust her judgment, but out of curiosity, he eventually used the excuse of learning the color of the dress in order to choose the corsage for her to get the answer of 'gray', which surprised him. And she also picked some jewelry which he never thought she would care to wear.

"Did you ask advice from Kurt earlier?" He narrowed his eyes quizzically and questioned her.

"What, it's impossible for me to learn about fashion, huh?" She glared playfully at him, "But seriously I did check out a couple of magazines." And made him chuckle.

Getting out of the store, the afternoon sun already started to burn brightly. Didn't actually plan anything for the rest of the afternoon, they ambled quite leisurely along the pavement to get to the car, as the both of them got attracted by the sound of songs, kind of like karaoke in the public.

"What is that?" Rachel murmured and glanced around.

"I think it's in the front of the square. We have plenty of time, care to have a look?"

It turned out that the sound came from an open stage not far from the store. The music was loud, and lot of passerby gathered around to take a look.

"Seems like it's an anniversary celebration of a…karaoke?" Jesse guessed hesitantly.

"And looks like it's a duet competition." Rachel pointed to one side of the stage, where some couples are discussing and signing something, and some of them are preparing to get on stage. "Not like today's Valentine or something."

"But you know what? I think it's quite interesting."

Turning back to look at him, Rachel frowned incredulously with also a smirk ghosting at the corner of her lips, "Really? Never thought Jesse St. James would be attracted by an unprofessional karaoke competition."

"Hey, who brought up the topic of our unstoppable duet back this morning? Don't you want to try again?" Winking mischievously, he took her hand again and dragged her toward the crowd.

…

…

…

"So, Jesse and Rachel? Okay, you're gonna use the piano or the stereo?" It was halfway of the competition, but since it was rather public, it was still fine for them to join.

"Piano, we can handle it." Jesse answered the staff member who was taking some notes.

"Then, what song are you gonna perform?"

That question stuck them both. Oops, they didn't give a full thought on it.

Turning to look at each other speechlessly, Jesse abruptly broke the silence and asked Rachel, "Are you familiar with Lady Antebellum?"

She nodded with certainty, which made him smile and said, "Then let's get on stage. I've got the song."

Rachel stood beside the piano as Jesse sat down on the bench. The familiar position brought both of them back to a specific déjà vu. She smiled at him when recognizing that typical charming smirk of his.

Then he started the intro, which made her distinguished the song immediately. If she didn't, they might just miss the first verse, because that was hers.

"How bold of you, St. James." Rachel mumbled before making the beautiful entrance.

"_Lying here with you so close to me, _

_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breath. _

_Caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile."_

Following the cue, Jesse started his verse while lifting his face to lock their gaze.

"**I've never opened up to anyone, **

**So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms. **

**We don't need to rush this, **

**Let's just take it slow."**

"_**Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight**_

_**Just a touch in the fire burning so bright,**_

_**I don't wanna mess this thing up, **_

_**I don't wanna push too far."**_

Simultaneously they began the chorus part, and Rachel suddenly realized the point of the song. Her eyes widened in disbelief.

_That_ sent her into astonishment.

'How could he possibly know? Wait, it was actually him kissing me last night?' She asked herself silently. Too much information was contained in the lyrics that slowed down her pace of thinking. In order not to ruin the duet, quickly she recomposed and poured the emotion back into the song itself.

"_**Just a shot in the dark that you just might,**_

_**Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life.**_

_**So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight."**_

Their voice harmonized, reaching out toward the open space. The audience and other couples were all in absolute silence, being brought into the sweet but cautious, hesitant kind of love in the lyrics by their incomparable duet. Any flaw they had in their voice was covered and fixed by each other's voice. Unlike singing with Finn, Rachel's voice wasn't intentionally suppressed, because she knew she didn't need to, or much stronger than Jesse's. They sang with equal vocal force and emotions, no concerns of misfits and vocal range, and when the voice was extraordinary enough to put aside the doubts, it was all about true feelings.

_"I know if we give this a little time,_

_It will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find._

_It's never felt so real,_

**No it's never felt so right."**

All the complications of last night flushed back into her memory as she looked into his eyes, encouraging, gentle. The vivid feeling that burnt on her lips and the convincing promise that she thought she dreamed of now all came to an unexpected answer. And all the confessions she made wasn't a secret monologue, but a real declaration.

-"I'm willing to wait." Reminiscing his words in the morning, she felt something collapsing in her heart and kept pulling and dragging her like gravity.

Then they began wrap up the song.

"_**So baby I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, **_

_**With just a kiss goodnight."**_

Their voice tangled and died out with the softness eventually. The crowed was in silent since not realizing the end of the song, then burst into cheers. Glancing around the audience with a triumphant smile, she turned to him again, caught that knowing smile on his face, and the cognition of what he just told her by the song in the blue-grey pools. The mixed countenance of hers also let him get the message of her resolve breakdown, once again.

* * *

The Range Rover was heading to the downtown area in the late afternoon. The show would start at 7:30, so their schedule was quite flexible before it.

Rachel leaned against the back of the passenger seat with the shopping bags beside her feet and a small trophy in her hand. Surprisingly, it was a golden star, like it was meant to be hers.

No, _theirs_.

Staring at it in pensive, Rachel's expression was hard to define, which caused him finally asking, "Anything wrong with that trophy?"

His words dragged her back from her personal thoughts, "Oh, not that. I was just wondering that both of us had a lot of trophies in the past, like personal singing competitions and of course the glee club. And there is also a lot coming along, like Tonys-"

"Drama Desk." He cut in.

"Lawrence Oliver."

"Grammies."

"-but we might never again have _this_ kind of trophy. Though it's unprofessional and easy enough for us, it's special." She couldn't help but let her lips curved upward to a genuine smile.

"Yeah, it is, more than anything else." He agreed with seriousness, when he saw a Starbucks not far away and asked her, "Would you like to grab a cup of coffee or something? We might have a quite late night tonight."

She offered him a nod, so he parked beside the pavement and went off to the coffee shop. Staring at his figure through the car window, Rachel sighed because of the struggle that she somehow covered in front of Jesse just now, the obvious topic they had refused discussing.

And hearing him being so open and raw with his feelings toward her only made her previous preservation and hesitation highly unstable, every word and action from him was erasing them, weaken them, from the moment of yesterday's reunion till the very moment. The song itself was mild, sweet and enchanting, without pain but so careful and cautious, but it was also a catalyst which pushed her further into giving in.

She wasn't sure keeping on pretending could be a good idea.

_Perhaps just throw it all away this time, even only once._

_It sounds stupid, and it might be really stupid, but the heart wants what the heart wants._

Because her heart, she knew, was craving to get back to him, no matter how perilous it might be.

He opened the door, passed a cup of coffee to her before slipped into the car, and was about to start the engine again, but she stopped him.

"Jesse, wait." She inhaled deeply, and turned to look him in the eye.

"What's up?" He didn't look away, but raised a quizzical eyebrow at her.

"You actually heard what I said last night, right?"

Hesitantly, he nodded.

"I can't do this anymore. I mean, since you already know it, I cannot keep staying at this obscure line between friends and lovers with _you._ Let's just say we both made mistakes, and I am insecure, not ready to fully trust you right now but keeping this distance and avoiding facing these unsolved issues of us is not a viable choice anymore. We're good at pretending and avoiding, but it's difficult and useless."

Jesse couldn't believe what he just heard.

"So what you are saying is…?" He confirmed cautiously.

"A trial, actually. Clearly if I hold the answer until the prom is over, it will be no difference, because you already discarded my resolve the second you showed up again and I will be saying yes for sure. But what I'm actually not so certain about is the risk of us getting back to the _depth_ of this relationship like last year. I can survive ten times breaking up with Finn, for instance, but not another one with you if we take it seriously. There are uncertainty, doubts, and hesitations and if you mean what you said-"

"I do mean what I said, and those in the song."

"Then…..I think it's the only method to eliminate those unfriendly barriers that got in the way."

Taking a deep breath, he asked again, "So, taking it slow, and technically dating, I gather?"

She smiled slightly and shrugged, "At least we have to know whether we can work it out this time. Hope this is not a wrong timing again. What do you think?"

"Oh, I think it won't have even a slight chance to become one, Miss Berry, and it's a great idea." He smiled in response and for the exceeding gratefulness of his luck. Then it converted to a teasing smirk, "But as for not pushing, at least I can kiss you, right?"

The heat was creeping on her cheeks when she heard his words and saw that typical smirk on his face, but she suppressed it and glared, "Where's that superb self-restrain of yours, St. James?"

"Nowhere to be found when I'm with you." Crossing his arms, he stared at her challengingly, the corner of his lips tugged into a teasing smile.

His honesty at this moment was unexpected for her, but before she reacted, he continued,

"Rach, think about it, don't you feel that this has no difference with secret kisses in the dark of the night? And declarations. What's wrong with the daylight?" Just couldn't wipe that smug smile off his face and the joy that blooming in his chest right now.

She immediately blushed, meanwhile smiling coyly at this thought, not only because what he said, but also the sudden easiness of their conversation, no more pretending and awkwardness.

As if sensing her permission, he caught her wrist and pulled her into his embrace, to let her sit on his lap. Her eyes widened in surprise for the sudden contact, but adjusting to it quickly. For the first time since yesterday, she left all camouflages and defense behind, simply locked her gaze with his, and searched for emotions down the abyss of the blue-gray pools. They were so clear, dazzling, alluring, tempting, like they would made her fall under their spell at any second. But it didn't bother her, because this time, she surrendered willingly.

"Jesse St. James, I still love you, and I think it never stopped from the beginning." She said it again, without fear.

"I know you do." He blinked innocently.

"That's unfair, cheating is not very noble of you." Pouting reluctantly, she grumbled, meantime slowly circling her arms around his neck. She turned to grinning as Jesse rested his forehead against hers, hand cupped her cheek, and their hot breath tangled fervently.

"You have no idea how long I've been dreaming of doing this, properly, with you." He whispered hotly to her, their lips inches close.

Giving her no chance to reply any word, the next moment, his lips already captured hers into a lustful kiss and lit up a fire that had been craving to be ignited, which was slowly attacking their sanity and pushed them deeper. Jesse wrapped one arm around her waist, and another hand roamed up and down her spine, which caused her shuddered like been hit by electricity waves in his arms. The exquisite heat, the familiar sensation, and the newly rebuilt relationship were all too ethereal.

"Don't get addicted to this." She murmured and tried to hold back the moans.

"I already did since last year." And she could feel him smiling against her.

They were like drugs for each other, dangerous, unpredictable, but irrevocable and hopeless to be stopped. There was no way they could eliminate all the doubts and tantrum completely for they both had been dramatic all along in their lives, but trust issue was something that required time and experience together, at least they got the certification of affections now, and the only question that left to be solved was whether they can work everything out, whether they can build a solid foundation of faith in _them_.

They knew the old obstacles weren't cleared, and new ones would come for sure.

His tongue plunged inside her mouth, and she made no movement to stop him. It found hers and tangled with it, playing, teasing, and exchanging both temperature and emotions, and their body touched with increasing intimacy. When they finally broke apart for breath, her lips had been colored with a more enticing red.

"Don't you think we just postponed our agenda for today?" Slipping back to the passenger seat, she chuckled, and Jesse eventually restarted the engine.

"It's worth the while." Winking with that famous St. James charming glint in his eyes, he added, "But you're right, we still got a long list of _dating plans_ to go today."

* * *

When they arrived at the Civic Theater after dinner, the dazzling haze of neon had covered the crowded city center. The couple walked toward the theater entrance as Rachel peered at the large poster of musical hanging above and grinned broadly. Jesse chuckled at her excitement, and got himself a harmless shove on the shoulder.

By the time the show reached the part of Elphaba and Fiyero's_ 'As Long As You're Mine'_, the climax of the story was approaching. Watching the two lovers kneeling down on the dark, misty stage, hands holding firmly, singing out the fervent love, nothing else to care, and no worries of how long it can last, Rachel couldn't help but being touched and leaned her head on Jesse's shoulder, and followed the cast to hum in a low voice along the melody. Gazing at the placid girl who beside him, Jesse lowered his head and whispered in her ear,

"I think we will make great Elphaba and Fiyero someday, too."

She leaned back to look at him, and giggled quietly before returning to the former position, and murmured, almost unperceivable,

"They just confirmed for me the only thing that matters in love is the present."

"Which, I deemed to be the truth, as long as love exist." He replied, with both of them fully aware of what it implied.

…

The show ended at about 10:15 pm. The audience started to leave the theater, all talking about their opinion about the show. Not so surprisingly, the young couple was also enthusiastically discussing the performance, whether it had lived up the name of the original cast and the Tonys. Walking arm in arm, he suddenly caught the abrupt fading of her smile. Her body stiffened visibly, her grip tighter on his arms told him something was wrong. Looking toward the direction that caught her eyes, the answer got all cleared.

The mid age brunette on the other side of the audience crowd was walking toward the exit with a sleeping baby in her arms. Subconsciously stepped back a pace, Rachel looked down, her body half hidden behind Jesse. He instantly wrapped his arm around her shoulder protectively and reassuringly. But somehow sensing the stare, the woman turned around and spotted the couple in shock and confusion.

Her movement was hesitant, but finally managed to step toward them, and spoke to him first.

"Jesse? I thought you were supposed to be in LA right now." The former VA coach went directly to the point.

"What a surprise to see you again, Shelby." Jesse answered while quickly glancing at Rachel's reaction, "I guess LA doesn't fit me so well, thanks to your help for the offer, but I quitted."

"That's pretty unexpected. And, hi, Rachel." Shelby turned to her with a greeting.

"Hello, Shelby." Still avoiding looking the woman in the eye, Rachel's voice was cold enough to froze, with some hint of hurt and pretense in it.

"So what's _this_ all about?"

Both of them knew what she was referring to, but Jesse was the one who decided to have it out with his former coach.

"I thought it was quite obvious." He narrowed his eyes while released Rachel from his arms in order to hold her hand. Intentionally interlacing their fingers together, he continued, "I'm picking up what _you_ made me lose last year."

His words suddenly caught Rachel's attention.

"Jesse, I told you to stay away from her." Her tone sounded like a warning and a threat.

"I know what I did to her was my fault, like a complete idiot. But you don't even have the right to command me since you hurt her even deeper. You knew Giselle was planning that egging and you didn't stop her. How much of you wanted that trophy even over your daughter?"

"You didn't understand our situation! That was only trying to get you back to the team and to tie everyone together, and I only learnt about the challenge in their auditorium but not the egging part, especially knew nothing about the target was _her_!" Shelby seemed to get frustrated due to Jesse's accusation, and was closing to the brink of yelling.

"Then what is it about this adoption thing?" He glared furiously at the placid baby girl in her arms, "You made the whole plan and suddenly decided that you don't want her, and chose another baby over her? When you already knew what you want, why did you insist to pull _me_ away from her? I know what decision I made and that's my stupidity, but what were you actually up to, sabotaging her entire life? Thankfully what you never planned was I actually fell in love with her."

"Jesse, what plan?" Rachel seemed to get lost in the content of this confrontation.

"You didn't tell her?" Shelby asked with disbelief, "I thought blaming me was the true reason she forgave you." The woman commented bitterly.

As Jesse was about to retort and explain to Rachel, the baby suddenly woke up and started to cry. Sharp, loud, piercing that could tore hearts apart.

Rachel's eyes pinched shut like she just saw some cruel scene. And it was indeed cruel to her.

"You are the one that should leave her alone." Shaking his head with disappointment, Jesse pulled Rachel toward the exit, "Rach, we should get out of here."

* * *

The ride back to Lima had been awfully quite since Rachel didn't spoke a word. Not daring to break the silence with the risk of causing her breakdown in the car, he didn't spoke either.

He drove to his place without asking, and led her into the house. As Rachel plopped down on the couch like losing all the strength in her body, half lying on it, Jesse went straight to the kitchen to grab two cups of water, where he heard her voice,

"Can I have a drink?"

His movements stopped as he replied, "Rach, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Not like I don't know where it is." Her voice was emotionless but yet weak.

Without any further objection, he opened the fridge and took out two cans of beer. Returning to her, he started the story without her instruction, but he knew that was what she wanted to learn about for a long time.

"Do you remember the time you came to Carmel's auditorium and asked me about whether I was playing you?"

"Yes."

"First of all, what I told you was true, don't you ever doubt that, and I myself never expected to say that." Passing an opened can to her, he carried on, "And when I was kissing you, Shelby showed up at the wing."

"Really? You didn't tell me that and I didn't feel being watched." Taking a sip, she turned into surprise.

"She came to me afterwards, told me that she learnt about our dating from Schuester."

"Mr. Schue? How did he…Oh crap, Finn!"

"Easy, Rach. So Shelby asked me to do her a favor, or more like a task. She asked me to befriend you and lead you to her."

"That's why you transferred?" She asked with a little shock.

"No, you were already falling for me and honestly I didn't have to transfer to befriend you. I was taking this as an excuse to get closer to you, subconsciously." He reached out to caress her cheek, "Well, guess I was the real falling one."

She raised an eyebrow, and for the first time after the confrontation, she smiled.

"And just so you can make sure, all the things happened afterward was based on my real feelings for you. I rarely dated girls more than two weeks, three weeks top, but for you, everything was different."

"Then, when I made that stupid video and triple-cast the three of you…"

"I already took it seriously. I kept warning myself that dating you for so long a time was only for the mission, it would be a good acting practice, but it was an utter lie, it never worked." Laughing sarcastically to himself, he continued, "During the spring break, I told Shelby what I felt for you, and about the video, so I wanted to break up with you. But she deemed it as over-indulgent in the character as your boyfriend. She knew I never dated a girl seriously, so she warned me that I have no right to play her daughter, but no matter what I still had to get back to you and done it. I was half convinced, so she carried on emphasizing what I should and should not do, complete it as soon as possible then go back to VA like nothing ever happened. "

Rachel gaped at him, suddenly recalled something important, "So that tape was from you?"

"Yes. She asked me to push you into listening to it, but I refused and told her I didn't want to hurt you. However, she told me the story about how much she suffered of giving you up, so I gave in, I hoped that I could really make your dream come true." He reached out to tuck the loosen strands behind her ear, "You have no idea the minute I went back to the ballet studio, seeing you working hard to defeat the vulnerable part of you, it was like nothing didn't matter anymore and I only wanted to hug you, support you and give the faith back to you. And I did, I realized how much I missed you."

"When you finished listening to the song, I sensed that everything between us came to the end. I was originally planning on using some excuses to tell you that I needed to transfer back to Carmel, and thought we might work it out. But Shelby threatened me with the college offer. Meanwhile Giselle was jealous about us, she persuaded everyone about scaring your team off with our performance. I was still that arrogant bastard that couldn't let go of the fame at that time. I knew choosing the career meant losing you for sure, but I thought if I hold onto the glory, it might just fade away, so I went for it, with much stronger show face on."

"I can understand the afterward part now." She lifted her gaze to meet his, and found the regrets and struggles in his eyes once again. The overwhelming feelings and memories suddenly flooded toward her, and the tears swirled in her eyes, yelling to fell freely. "It's not completely your fault. I mean, she used you, and I've been so vacillate about the feelings for you. But why didn't you tell me the whole thing?"

"Rach, she's still your mother no matter what, and I honestly didn't want to sabotage your relationship. Well, I expected your reunion could be perfect but…"

"She never acted like a real mother, did she?" Rachel mocked with a timid smile.

Gently tugging her closer, he wrapped his arms around her, "Honey, I don't know why she did it, but I do think she was even more stupid than I was."

Finally his words stirred up her poignancy, as her tears streamed down unstoppably, she sobbed "But why doesn't anyone love me. Finn chose Quinn, Puck chose Quinn, they are cheerios, they are popular girls in the school, and my mother chose Quinn's daughter! I can't believe this, is there something wrong with me?"

Caressing her back gently to calm her down, Jesse sighed, "Rachel Barbra Berry, now listen to me and listen good. In case I didn't mention it before, Finn Hudson is a total idiot, and he doesn't deserve you at all. He is a quarterback of the football team, he is big, strong, but dump as hell, never treated you right and he doesn't even have the voice that matches yours. For Puck, you two do sound better, but I hardly think he can be a good boyfriend for you either because clearly nothing in common. As for Shelby, she will find out someday that the girl she gives up is the most wonderful girl in the world. She is talented, hardworking, forgiving, generous, kind, confident, independent and caring and a lot of more. And she will be the shiniest star on Broadway in a few years. McKinley's popularity rule is always about cheerios and football team, but you are not the same. You're not going to stick in Lima, not going to be a housewife and a regular mother. About someone who loves you, that person is right in front of you now and he promised never hurting you again. I love you, and always will."

His small speech sent her into both astonishment and disbelief. Of what? Well, perhaps for her good luck of meeting this person, getting him back again into her life, and having him sitting beside her to reassure her. She sobbed even louder.

"Rach, did I say something wrong?"

"No, God, no!" She wiped the tears away in haste, and replaced it with a genuine smile, "I just never predicted that you would be so…I'm really exceedingly grateful that you are here right now."

Leaning closer, he claimed her lips in a tender kiss. He was about to break apart at the point, but without a warning, she kissed him back with more force and passion.

"Rach." He choked out in a husky groan.

"Just kiss me." And that was all she could reply.

Her words were incredibly enticing, and possibly the can of beer caused some extra effect, made them being slightly tipsy and dazing. Their breath warmed up as the kiss deepened. Since she offered the opportunity, there was no reason for him to decline. Sliding his tongue inside her mouth, she moaned as he teased her with that warm, tickling breath. Then his lips found the way down her jawline to her neck. Lightly nibbled her soft skin around the collarbone, Jesse went bold and gently bit her, which drew out a louder whimper and positively left a mark. He slowly pushed her down on her back, their bodies pressed intimately against each other, as she slipped her hands into his shirt, tracing circles absently on his back which caused him shiver.

Jesse was the one who returned to sober first. Sensing they were both playing with fire, he broke apart and met Rachel's confusing, misty eyes.

"No pushing, remember?"

She giggled and nodded, although with a slight sense of disappointment in her eyes. Both rising from the couch, he led her upstairs to the bedroom to let her rest.

As she lied down on the bed, he leaned closer to press a goodnight kiss on her forehead. But she abruptly caught his wrist when he was about to leave.

"Stay with me. I need to make sure everything's real."

That night she fell asleep in his arms again, with the air cleared, with the mystery solved and with the contentment covered around her. Peaceful, safe and loved.

**TBC**

* * *

Finally! This chapter exhausted me!

So…What's gonna happen when Jesse entered the rehearsal on Monday? Have a guess!

And about the choreography they talked about in the car, it was my interesting discovery. I'm not a ballet dancer so I can't explain that movement very precisely, it was a lift, and the position was back to back. I found it when I re-watched 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' and 'Bohemian Rhapsody', you can find it if you re-watch it. And I also read something on Tumblr that Jonathan once said Lea and him were practicing a dance number that had crazy lifts in it. I eliminated the possibilities and thought it might be this one. He said it would be uncomfortable if they didn't trust each other completely. Here comes the inspiration.

Again, **REVIEW PLEASE!**

XOXO

Andrea


	7. Surprises

**Author's Note**

To Soyli: She was here just to make everything into a mess, truly. But that's drama, and St. Berry is aka the dramatic couple, isn't it?

To _The-Lone-Star's-Southern-Belle_: What a long ID, LOL. May I ask what can I call you? So many thanks for the reviews for both stories. Writers need inspiration and encouragement ;). I'll keep working.

For the two reviewers who were unable to be replied by PM, I also appreciate your comment ;) Thanks to all of you!

About grammar, I hope you can continue judging my work with your own, normal standards, and I'm not making excuses, but please forgive me for those due to I'm not a native English speaker, not Spanish either. If you noticed some really important stuff, **please inform me in the comment** so I can do better on that.

This chapter is basically full of surprises like the title of it…from St. Berry, from others, and some disclosure of the relationships among characters.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**

Glee is not mine. If it is, the entire show would so not be like this right now. And the line 'You had me at hello' is from _Jerry Maguire_, not mine, but used as a pun.

* * *

**Chapter 6 Surprises**

_Sunday Morning._

As the sunbeam found its way into the bedroom, the girl once again woke up in the boy's arms from the peaceful rest after the exhaustion of yesterday.

"Good morning, beautiful." A velvety, soft voice of morning greeting came into her ears. And she shifted against the boy's chest, turned to look at him.

"Why do you always wake up earlier than me?" She pouted.

"Complaining, are you? Well, watching you is definitely worth a while. And I would like another kind of morning greeting."

Raising a knowing eyebrow at him, she smirked and turned to kiss him on the cheek, whereupon he agilely wrapped her in his arms and rolled over to capture her lips in a sweet kiss, and made her giggle at his cunning.

When, her cell rang untimely, but desperately.

"Let it ring." He murmured within the kiss.

Suddenly recalling something crucial, she broke the kiss and gasped, "Oh my God, I didn't tell my dads I'm here, it might be them. Oh this can't be good." meanwhile searching under the pillow for her phone.

Quickly glancing at the caller's ID, she turned on the speaker.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, what's wrong with you?" Leroy questioned loudly with worries on the other end of the phone."

"Daddy, calm down, I'm fine."

The small whispers from Hiram came into the phone, and then he picked up instead of Leroy.

"Rachel, sweetie, we called our home phone on Friday night, but it was a little late so I thought you might be asleep. Last night I called again, earlier, but you're still not answering, not your cell phone, either. Are you going out on late parties with your friends?"

"I'm not a party girl and you know it." Rachel answered without hesitation, glancing at Jesse who was also looking at her with concerns.

"No parties? Then, are you sick?"

"Dad, I'm not." She sighed, secretly pondering whether or not telling the truth.

"Then, are you staying at someone else's?" Hiram asked cautiously, it seemed to be the highly possible one.

"Uh, Dad, it's hard to explain. I promise I'm safe here, it's just, _complicated. _It's something I have to handle by myself" She sighed again, cautiously choosing her words.

Then there was a long silence.

"I think the Hudson boy is out of the picture, Leroy, because…" She heard Hiram turned to talk to Leroy before getting back to their conversation, "Guess LA had an early summer?"

She stiffened visibly. Jesse, lying beside her, was also in shock. How could they possibly…?

"What? Who said anything about LA?" She pretended to be in confusion, but fully aware the confession was inevitable.

"Because whenever you refuse telling me the details and insist to _handle by yourself_, it's always about Jesse."

Jesse gazed incredulously at her, seemed figuring out something.

"Yeah, it's him." She finally admitted

"I can agree with the 'you are safe' part now. But, sweetheart, you two are staying together alone…I can't help but thinking…did you…?"

Her brows furrowed for a second in puzzlement before madly blushed, "Dad! No! He's going to work as the new consultant of our glee, and we're just catching up…" Jesse, beside her, was making great effort on withholding his chuckles.

"And resuming relationship, I gather?" Leroy cut in.

"You could say so." She surrendered, head leaning back onto his chest, "But not _that_!"

Another long silence.

"Honey, we really hope you two can make it work this time. We always felt you were perfect together, don't let anything, including distance, come in between you again, Okay?"

Her countenance turned into a smile of pure contentment, "Thanks, daddy, we know."

After she hung up, Jesse slowly pulled her into his embrace, and softly questioned in her ears.

"Why didn't you tell them?"

"What?" She leaned back to look at him, didn't seem to react very fast in the morning.

Gently caressing her cheek, he explained, "If you have told them about what I did to you last year, Rach, I seriously doubt they could have been so pleased with our reunion."

She shrugged, "I didn't know how to tell them the truth, you know. I told them that we broke up, because you were leaving and we couldn't go with the long distance thing, it's the best not to ruin the relationship with it, but I refused to talk to them about it, so that came what Dad just said. I was truly in love with you back then, and I was pining for you the whole summer. I thought pretending we weren't officially done might also convince myself that you would, someday, come back to me." Her voice was gentle, with a slight hint of wistfulness.

"And I did. Perhaps we can see it as a long break." Stroking her dark long hair lovingly, he hugged her tighter, "Look, I know I already said it, and it's not gonna change the fact that we can't pretend those awful things never happened, but if I can turn back the time that I will change my decision back then. I still didn't understand how suddenly you forgave me, as a matter of fact, although I personally deem that record pretty successful."

She chuckled softly at him, at his confusion and the hint of ego, "Well, that's because you didn't understand the _point_ of the damage you caused last year."

He hesitated, seemed not to absorb what she meant, "How's that?"

"Since we both faced it already, I think a little discussion won't harm." She began, "Humiliation was miserable, of course, but don't forget I'm no stranger to that, and I've been egged before. If it was just a bunch of VA kids, TP-ed our choir room and egged me, I don't see there's any big deal about it. The point is, that was you I cared. And now you're back, although I said…"She bit her lips, but he quirked an eyebrow and expected her to carry on, "I said I want you to get eaten by a lion. You apologized, very sincerely, what's the point of dwelling on the past? It will only make trouble for both of us." She grinned. "And we can't go back in time, so accept what happened and heal it, that's everything that mattered.

She found the pure adoration in his eyes as he whispered, "I have no idea what I did to deserve you."

* * *

They went to bowling in the afternoon, completely enjoying the fun and easiness of their date, like going back in time. But when they walked out of the bowling alley arm in arm, focusing on the discussion of the current situation of New Directions, both of them turned speechless as they noticed a familiar blond girl standing quite close to them.

Rachel silently tried to withdraw her arm from Jesse's, but he covered her hand with his own, telling her not to.

The former cheerleader was standing in the parking lot, dressed in sportswear, and seemed to be waiting for someone else. Somehow sensed the stare from the other side, she turned around and saw the couple with a slight curiosity.

Hesitating for a split of a second, she strolled toward them. Unlike what Rachel predicted, she didn't seem to be shocked or frustrated, and didn't insult her or Jesse. The look on her face was…understanding.

"So, finally, huh?" Quinn smirked at Jesse. Rachel, who wasn't quite sure what they were talking about, got lost in the situation, bewildered.

And unexpectedly, Jesse smiled too, glancing at the girl in his arms lovingly, and replied, "Yes, I suppose. Thanks."

"You should thank me for a lot of things, indeed." She said, pointedly.

And she leaned closer to Jesse, and put one hand on his shoulder, too close that caused Rachel having the impulse of telling her to back off. The sense of insecurity reared its head again, and stirred up an uncomfortable feeling in her ribcage. Then, the blond girl whispered something in his ear that Rachel couldn't hear.

"You can tell her about our relationship, but don't you dare telling anybody else, I'll deny it for a lifetime."

She pulled back, cast a glance between the two of them, and seemed to completely ignore Rachel's existence, since no hostility was showed on her face nor in her gaze, "San and Brit are coming, and I'm sure you are aware that's not gonna be pretty, so get lost, be quick."

Giving them a hurried waving, she turned away.

* * *

As they got into Jesse's Range Rover, she remained silence for quite a while, trying to absorb what happened earlier, but eventually failed. Secretly she doubted about the friendly relationship between Quinn Fabray and Jesse, which she never thought would be possible, and somehow, there was a sense of jealousy.

It wasn't that she thought he was cheating on her, that's not reasonable at all. But just sheer curiosity and possessiveness prompted her to doubt.

That was Quinn Fabray after all, and Jesse, well, she didn't know whether she can trust him in any situation.

Quinn was always Finn's priority, despite the fact that Finn and her was never meant to be, Quinn was always the barrier between them. The natural pride of a popular girl prompted this former cheerio to compete with her for winning Finn. She was blond, skinny, beautiful, wealthy, popular among boys and also good at attracting boys. Therefore…this time, was she trying to steal Jesse from her again?

That thought made her shuddered with panic.

She remembered the encounter last night, the picture of her mother carrying that little girl lovingly in her arms was haunting her again. Her mother left her alone, so were her ex-boyfriends, including Jesse. He came back, after giving up a lot for her, and she knew that he loved her—that was an undeniable truth—but he gave up Vocal Adrenaline last time for her, and eventually changed his mind, who can say how would the world alter? Even though everything he said last night was overwhelming…but she was still…scared.

And what exactly happened between him and Quinn? That _friendliness_ was the last thing she expected from her teammate. And for what reason…he didn't tell her anything?

"Can I have an explanation for what just happened?" She couldn't help but asked him, with a slightly suspicious and uncertain tone.

"Are you being jealous?" He asked, quirked a questioning eyebrow.

"I don't share what's mine with others. Especially not with Quinn Fabray." She stated firmly, "And the previous encounter was pretty suspicious."

"I'll take that as a yes." He smirked even broader, but frowned as he noticed her face became paler than before, and hands clenched nervously on the fabric of her skirt. The incident last night flashed back in his mind and reminded him his big mistake.

"Gosh, Rach I'm sorry, I should've told you earlier."

She was feeling insecure again, which was exactly what he wanted to solve in their second relationship.

"Tell me what, exactly?" Her voice was hesitant and feeble, as if fearing what he was about to say.

"Tell you that Quinn is my cousin."

"What?" She gaped at him, incredulously, and suddenly felt embarrassed for all the previous over-dramatic doubts, "Upper class families, in _Ohio_, same circle, I understand. But cousins, seriously? You were not even close back in last year!"

"Which we never were." He explained, "I hate being labeled as upper class kid, especially since high school. My family, despite my parents' fortune, has nothing to be proud of. This whole hypocritical social status, the collapsing family relationships, and the marriage failure…So was the Fabray household. Her mother and my mother are sisters. Quinn and I subconsciously rejected to interact with this social circle, so we were never close."

"What about now?"

"Last year I went to visit her in the hospital, and she gave me some suggestion about _us_. And remember that day I asked you why keeping our photo in your locker? She told me that. And I also learnt about you breaking up with Hudson from her."

"So what she means by 'finally' is about…_us together_? And that's why you thanked her?"

"Yes."

She was suddenly overwhelmed by how much effort he put into wining her back. It made her feel…cherished, entirely opposite from what she presumed, or questioned, earlier.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have doubted you like that, it's just…it's what we're trying to solve and I did it again…" Her voice trailed off, feeling unable to bring up their trust issues, but he confronted it.

"Hey, Rach, it's fine, I've only been back for a few days and this is far beyond my wildest dream. It's impossible for you to feel safe immediately, and I know how much _she_ brought up all those memories. We are both too dramatic, and we are used to stretching the reality a mile wide and presume future. And that is precisely what we need to take cautious in this…relationship."

She didn't miss the pain in his eyes when he talked about his family, although it was well-disguised. The question about his family she wanted to ask was on the edge of her lips, but not yet slipped out. The countenance on her face was struggling and hesitant, but he somehow read her mind and smirked.

"You're curious about _the family thing_, right?"

He inhaled sharply before starting, "My mother is a pianist. She was a senior at Julliard when she met my father. And my father, at that time, was in Columbia finishing MBA after working in a company for a few years. He was older than her, already married and had a child, my sister. They met at a party, fell in love, and when they finished school, my father got divorced. Grace was only four years old back then so she didn't remember much. They settled down in Ohio but my father basically was never home. He traveled a lot, for business. And my mother was also traveling for concerts and teaching around the world. But that was before I was born. When Grace was seven, they had me, and my mother started to spend more time with us. She taught piano in OSU. Grace never hated her, and never hated me, and the three of us actually had quite peaceful life without my father around, but my mom had a hard time taking care of everything in the family. Money was never a problem, but this dysfunctional family situation was." He paused, glancing at her struggled expression before continuing.

"The day I transferred to McKinley, they divorced, due to that my father had another mistress and a lot of crappy reasons. He gave my mother houses and cars and money as compensation, he paid off Grace's tuition in Harvard Med, and afford an apartment for me in Upper West. And my mother said, 'Karma is a bitch'. "He snorted at this ironic incidence, "They started it when I was thirteen. Fighting, throwing things, my mom crying and my father yelling at her. But she endured it, I never figured out why, perhaps waiting for me to finally get out of this place. I'm not making excuses but that was another reason I wanted the final National title so much. I thought it was a mental consolation for her. But later she told me that was so stupid."

Rachel knew she would never understand how much pain it took for him getting through this suffering. No wonder why he desperately wanted to get out of Ohio. And it also revealed how much he loved her that could prompt him coming back to this dreadful place for her.

"I hardly believed that I could fall in love with someone easily, and could trust that person, share a lot of things in my life with her, until I met you." He said, meanwhile parked in the driveway. But they didn't get out. As he turned to face her, their gaze locked, and she found the gratefulness replaced the pain in his blue-gray eyes, sparkling, "I was terrified to admit what I felt, trying to deny, but it was still real, nothing could've changed that."

"When was it? When did all those…feelings…started?" She asked softly.

"The moment I walked away from you, in fact. But I always think that you had me at 'Hello'."

When they got off the car, she gave him a hug, slowly but tightly, as if she could warm him like that.

"Everything will be fine."

"I know."

And when they walked into the house with fingers interlaced together, she added with a smile, "By the way, St. James, stealing the line from that movie was so cheesy."

* * *

When the time reached eight o'clock, Rachel got out from shower in the white bathrobe that once was hers during those days she stayed here when her fathers were gone. Her hair was still dripping wet when she took a towel to dry it, meanwhile walking out of the bathroom toward the bedroom.

She knew it was quite strange, and risky, for them to stay together alone and _sleep_ together in these days. It was pretty close to shacking, as a matter of fact. But it didn't feel wrong, neither when she was in his arms at night, nor when they woke up in the morning sun. She always hated her dads' conference, but this time, it became a chance, an indulgent, and it created her addiction.

Walking into the bedroom, she discovered he was also out of bath, lying on the bed, leaning against the headboard, and got a book in his hands.

Kicking the door close, Rachel moved to sit beside him, "Shakespeare, huh? Looks like you're quite at your leisure."

"A little review can be useful, plus I'm in the mood of reading this." He turned the book over to let her see the title of the play, "Care to join me?"

She chuckled at what exactly he was reading, "You do realize we're far too familiar with this, right?" at the same time snuck into his arms, found a comfortable position and leaned leisurely against him.

_Romeo and Juliet_

As they sat there quietly, focusing on the book, Jesse suddenly broke the silence with a murmur, "You know, I always believe in love at first sight."

"No way!" She turned to gape at him.

"I do. It's not only about the appearances match each other. I'd rather consider it as a gratifying natural bond, a feeling that shows you that person is your fate."

The look in her eyes told him she knew what he was implying.

"Did you get that romantic bone by heredity? Or is that a gene variation?" Her eyes narrowed with a mischievous gleam.

"Miss Berry, would you mind not to use biological terms to ruin it?"

She giggled, and turned back to the book. As she spotted the story had came to a certain part, she started to read the lines in a soft voice.

"_My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! _

_Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy."_

"I thought we already got over that period?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Hey, you're the one ruining it right now." She swatted him playfully at his chest, "I'm mainly working on music, but if one day I got cast in this show, I'm definitely gonna go for it."

As they carried on reading, it came the iconic balcony part.

"_It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief…See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek."_

His arm was around her shoulders, fingers skimming lightly on the soft skin of her cheek, and mouth was only inches close to her ear as he whispered the symbolic lines from one of the most beautiful love story in the world to her. She smiled warmly.

It feels surreal for her, all of a sudden, everything she wanted, needed, came back to her. It was too good to be true, and she was afraid it would slip away in her hands real quick, like a withered flower, once so blooming yet last short.

Yet, she was having everything, and why worrying the future?

"_What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; _

_So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that dear perfection which he owes without a title._

_Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself."_

She lifted her gaze to meet to meet his, and he took the cue as their gaze locked.

"_I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo."_

"I'm still the guy who was nuts about you." He said, dropping a light kiss on her forehead.

"I know."

A long, peaceful silence.

"Can I ask you a question?" She murmured against his chest.

"Sure."

"You sure you don't want it anymore? I mean UCLA."

He chuckled slightly, before answering, "Don't worry about me regretting it, Okay? I already chose wrong last year, I don't make one mistake twice."

She then continued, "Then how long are you planning on doing this consultant work?"

"Wait for you to get over your remaining high school years, and then head to New York with you, but not yet deciding on what to do in New York, school or job. Hey, no rush, we've got time."

She suddenly shook her head frustratingly, "The day you showed up again, I felt like you're still too much a danger for me. But suddenly everything changed, and my mind altered from 'staying away from you' to 'having everything I wanted with you together', it's odd because it has only been a few days we started over…" She paused before finished the sentence softly, "and it felt like it has always been yo."

She had learned not to keep hiding her feelings from him, not for whatsoever reason. Doubts, suspicions, and insecurity still exist somewhere down to the abyss of her heart, like he said, but she knew she should pull down that masquerade of her affections. Because last time she checked, it was a fatal factor that led to their 'tragic' finale back in last year.

_Lovers need brutal honesty, especially them right now._

"And I'm sure I am. We both think that way, Rach, I wanted you to be in my life, my future, badly. I wanted you to be the one I can dedicate my love and thanks to when someday I get those awards. And I can do the same for you. There's no one else I could possibly think of."

Slowly pushing away, she raised her gaze to meet his, and she felt the clear, bright blue was too gratifying that could've made her drown in it. As her lips touched his and were about to deepen the moment, his cell phone rang, untimely again.

"Uh, whoever that is, the timing sucks." Jesse grumbled unpleasantly and broke apart. Glancing at the caller's ID, he hissed, "I'm gonna kill him." before picking up.

"St. James, where the hell have you been? I told you I want report!" The playful but unfamiliar voice came into Rachel's ear as she leaned closer, she listened curiously in silence.

"Anderson, are you doing this on purpose? Your timing sucks."

"What are you talking about?" Frank asked in puzzlement.

"I was in the middle of…something!" Jesse growled

"You're not telling me you two already made your way to the mattress, are you?" Frank asked in the tone of kidding.

Rachel blushed at his words, and what Jesse said next made it deeper.

"Close enough you idiot!" He pretended to be serious while trying hard to hold back the laughter, and earned himself a playful shove from the girl beside him.

But what she did next was far more surprising, or astonishing, precisely.

With a mischievous grin, she winked at him, and whispered in a low voice near his ear "Jesse, go get the protection." meanwhile made sure the person on the other side of the phone could hear it at the same time.

She made the whisper sound tempting with a hint of impatience, then buried her face in the pillow in embarrassment, and Jesse gaped at her for the action, it was kind of…flirting.

"Oh shit, seriously? Gosh, St. James, I'm so sorry."

Finally the couple couldn't withhold the amusement, they burst out laughing madly. And Frank growled, "I know why you two are together now, born to be actors, uh huh?"

"Oh, you could say so." Jesse quickly recomposed himself, "Frank, Rachel is next to me. Rachel, this is my roommate, Frank Anderson."

"Hi, Frank."

"Hi, Rachel."

"Anderson, right? Uh, I'm thinking…where are you from?" Rachel's brow furrowed in consideration.

"Ah, Ohio, actually." Frank answered, "What's wrong?"

"What? You told me you're from Chicago, I'm pretty sure that's Illinois." Jesse asked incredulously.

"Which I actually am. I lived in Chicago since grade 7! But I was born in Ohio and I still got relatives there. I never mentioned it to you? Never mind. Actually I'm going to go back to Ohio for the summer with Sophie. By the way, Rachel, Sophie is my girlfriend."

"Relatives? You're not related to Blaine Anderson, are you?" Rachel questioned.

"You know him? He's my cousin!" Frank replied in surprise.

"Oh how comes this coincidence! Rach, you know Blaine?" Jesse was in complete shock.

"He's in the Warblers, and he's now Kurt's boyfriend. You know him, too?" Her brows furrowed.

"Blaine was my neighbor and we were really close friends. That's a small world."

"I'd like to say that's a small Ohio." she giggled and turned to the phone again, "So I guess we can meet you guys in summer?"

"Yeah. And if that's the case, we can also ask Blaine and Kurt to join us, right?" Frank suggested.

"Of course, that would be fun." Jesse agreed.

"So…you two please carry on whatever you were doing, I gotta go, assignment is a bitch."

"Okay, bye."

**TBC.**

* * *

Originally I wanted to reveal it to the glee club in this chapter…but I was having trouble with something in that part (no spoilers right now) I think I need some time to figure it out, won't be long. So this chapter, I think it's pretty important as well, some characters mentioned here are coming soon, kind of like an introduction. The meeting with Frank and Sophie won't be far, and later Jesse's sister and mother will also show up (that's gonna be a really big part). Also, Quinn and Rachel are gonna…well, make peace? Sort of, needless to say that she will be offering lots of help during Rachel's pregnancy.

_**So here's what to expect next chapter**_: continuing the end of this chapter, something is gonna happen after this phone call. And after that they are gonna discuss what to do with the glee club. Then it will be what happened on Monday.

Also, keep the REVIEWS coming. Always love to know your opinions ;)

XOXO

Andrea


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